Is this what my life has come to?

Yesterday I took a picture of things I bought at the store.

Then I took a picture of the food I was making for dinner.

Then I took a picture of Winston because he had taken my spot on the couch.

I then proceeded to send said pictures to my siblings.

Because clearly they would be interested???

Is this what my life has come to?

Taking pictures of my boring life for no reason what-so-ever?

I’m just surprised I didn’t post them to Facebook or Instagram.

Now THAT would have been pathetic.

*sigh*

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Things That Made Me Go, “Hmm…” – Week 38

Alright, kiddos. Ready for this week’s rundown? No? Not quite? Well, get ready, because I’m not gonna wait around for you guys…

  • This happened this week… and it was BRILLIANT. You go, John Brown. And don’t you dare apologize for anything. You did exactly what everyone has been wanting to do for the past 5 years. Bravo, sir. BRAV-O.
  • I came across this harribly lame lovely little snippet this week. It both frightened and enthralled me. I mean… REALLY, Alana Stewart? The woman’s gotta be some kind of alien life-form. That’s just… I mean… Holy Crappers, Batman! I guess I shouldn’t be so concerned about being 30, huh?
  • This also happened this week and it is literally the cutest thing EV-ER (…aside from the stupid rhyming scheme.) Who wrote the copy for this story? A four year old fairy princess?

The whole. Entire. Time. Poor jurors…

Okay, peeps. I realize that’s only four miniscule snippets, but gosh darn it… I’M BUSY. You should be happy I even posted this week. Good grief. The demands from you minions are getting just a wee bit ridiculous don’t you think? No? Well… YOU’RE WRONG. So there.

Lastly, in case you haven’t done this yet…

GO FOLLOW MISS CORA ON BLOGLOVIN’!  Seriously. What are you waiting for? Go do it. Why? Because I said so. And you may think I’m not the boss of you, but we all know I totally am, so… why fight it? Go do it. Thank you, minions.

Over n’ out, good buddies. Have an excellent end to your weekend.

 

Is this weird?

Level with me, peeps. Because I have to find out if the following is weird. And if so, then I need to stop it forthwith.

So, here’s the deal. In my every day interactions with people, I always, always, always use the terms, “sir” and “ma’am.”

“Thank you, sir!”

“Thank you, ma’am!”

Three things you should know about this strange turn of phrase:

  1. It doesn’t matter the age of the person with whom I am speaking. They could be as young as three or as old as 98.
  2. The salutation is only uttered when accompanied by “thank you” or “excuse me”.
  3. It’s normally not used in a formal, reverent tone of voice, but rather an off-handed, casual, friendly, and occasionally flippant tone.

I do not know where this turn of phrase came from. I am not from the south, nor was I required to use this greeting when addressing adults and/or formal company when growing up. But somewhere along the way I picked it up, and for the past 3 or 4 years it’s become an Annie anomaly (Okay, is that a great phrase, or what? Annie’s Anomaly’s… I may need to create a new page just for that phrase.).

I have occasionally been met with annoyance and oddly enough, out-right rage for referring to people as “ma’am”… particularly when they view it as a term for “older women”. But most of the time the phrase is met with smiles and maybe a hint of consternation. Whether the consternation is due to the fact that these strangers are amused by my formality and the level of respect suggested by uttering such phrases, or if they’re simply wondering why the heck I am referring to them as such, I do not know. All I know is I cannot stop doing it and it’s become a default phrase to be used at any and all times.

So, my question is…

Is this weird?

 

YOU GUYS!

So… two days ago I told you guys about my flat tire, right?

Well, somehow… two days ago warp-sped into a week ago (yeah, that doesn’t make sense and I don’t even care) and I’m not sure where I lost those five other days.

Seriously…

WHAT THE HECK?!

Ugh…

I even forgot about my “Things that made me go ‘Hmm…'” Post. For the second week in a row!

WHAT IS UP WITH THAT?!

Not cool, bloggity peeps. NOT. COOL.

Sorry for abandoning you. I hope we can pick up where we left off. Because I truly do love you. I do. I really, really do.

However, since I don’t have time to fill you in on EVERYTHING that is new, I will give you a few highlights to tie you over until I can write a real, honest-to-goodness, bona fide, quality blog post.

So, just a couple things…

  • People from Iowa are the S-L-O-W-E-S-T drivers ever. Like… EVER. Maybe no one ever taught them where the gas pedal was. But… isn’t it about TIME THEY LEARNED?!
  • People from Illinois, on the other hand, are harrible, jack-asses on the road.
  • I cannot wrap my head around this whole Donald Trump thing. It makes me weep for the future of humanity.
  • Whipped cream is still the best thing ever.
  • I cannot understand while the entire world is up in arms over a single lion in Africa, and yet so few people seem to care about millions of aborted fetuses being sold for parts.
  • I’m back to hating Facebook. This love-hate relationship thing really has to stop because it is exhausting.
  • I’m slightly concerned about teaching Catholicism to Catholic school children since I understand so little of it myself. I mean… I’m really, genuinely confused.

Okay, I’m tired. Which means I’m done with you people. For now. Tomorrow though? Oh, it is ON. Like Donkey Kong. (What the heck does that mean anyway?)

Okay, over n’ out, good buddies. More later.

Today’s Bitter Rant

Disclaimer: If you are a fan of emojis, Bob Dylan, birthdays or Florida, you may want to skip this post. I’m just bitter because I haven’t had my coffee yet, and thus cannot be held responsible for anything written in this post.

  • Emojis. I don’t know where people get these things. They’re all over Facebook, my text messages, peoples’ blogs… And they use them for EV-ER-Y-THING. Bad day? Sad emoji. Starbucks double mocha latte? Happy emoji. Dog just completed obedience training at the head of the class? Lollipop emoji????  I don’t even know what half of them mean. I’m still making faces with punctuation marks like a 95 year old grandmother. And I’m still confused as to what an emoji even is. They used to call them emoticons. Remember that, old people? Now they’re emojis? Why the name change? What’s the difference? It’s not that I have a problem with emojis… it’s just that I feel out of the loop which makes me feel old and cranky, and yet I’m still too lazy to download (Or upload? See? I don’t even know the difference…) an emoji app onto my phone.  *sigh*  These whipper-snappers and their technological thinga-ma-jiggers…

No, Julia. The level of incompetence on this blog is staggering…

  • Bob Dylan. Are there any other Bob Dylan fans out there? My brother thinks he’s a musical genius if not a demigod. Something about the lyricist of his generation blah, blah, blah. I personally can’t get through a single one of his songs without banging my head against a wall. That voice? Who can listen to the lyrics with that voice? I’m sure he is some kind of musical genius, it’s just that… I can’t even when it comes to Bob Dylan. But what do I know? I’m just over here all, “OOH! Taylor Swift came out with a new song? SQUEEEEEE!!!!”  (Clearly, I am a 30 year old stuck with a 16 year old’s musical preference…)

  • Birthdays. Why do people have to have birthdays when it’s inconvenient for me to buy them a gift? Why do they have to remember my birthday in the first place? If they didn’t remember my birthday, there would be no need to remember their birthday. But because they did remember my birthday, I am forced into remembering their birthday or risk looking like the big, fat jerk that I am. DUDES. STOP HAVING BIRTHDAYS. It is inconvenient and expensive. Not that I want you to die or anything… just… you know… stop acknowledging your days of birth so then I don’t have to either. Geeze. What part of this plan do you not understand?

It’s not that complicated, people…

  • Florida. The Invictus Games are coming to the United States. Yay! To Florida. Boo! I know. I’m sorry. That was mean. I apologize to all the Floridians out there. It’s just that… for the last year and a half or so… I’ve had this thing about Florida and Floridians. As in… they bug the crap out of me. I don’t even know why. It’s like Wisconsin and New Jersey. I just don’t like them. I don’t even have a good reason. It’s harrible and bigoted and dumb. But I can’t help it. So, when I heard the Invictus Games were coming to Florida, I was all…

Which was quickly followed by…

I mean… what can Florida offer besides alligators, crocodiles and the most magical place on earth? (Which, isn’t even the most magical place on earth. It’s a place where sweaty, tired, cranky tourists stand in line with their screaming toddlers for hours on end to ride a single ride while they pray to God to put them out of their misery and let the vacation end early. How is that magical???) Florida is kinda like the armpit of the U.S. No… no, wait. That’s New Jersey. Which would make Florida what… the crotch of the U.S.? Hey, Military Heroes! Come join us in the crotch of the U.S.!  Because you deserve our admiration and praise???

I’m sorry. That was mean. Florida is wonderful. Floridians are awesome. And what do I know? I’m just bitter because I haven’t had my coffee yet this morning. Sorry, dudes.

Seriously. I apologize. That was uncalled for. You can make fun of my home state any time you like. Because seriously… we are LAME. And from what I hear… relatively ugly. True story. So, I don’t even have the authority to pass judgment on you. Sorry about that.

And on that note, I should go get that coffee before I start World War III… or Civil War II. Or… something equally disturbing.

Over n’ out, good buddies.

 

No new news.

I just spent the last 45 minutes reading through 16 pages of legal speak to ensure I know not to sexually harass and/or otherwise offend coworkers, staff and parents at my new job. Turns out, I still have no intention of sexually harassing anyone, so it’s all good.

In other news, I dropped a metal picture on my foot yesterday. You know, right in the spot where you tie your laces? Only that spot was not covered with laces… or a sock… or any type of anything to protect it from the giant goose egg that protruded from my foot once contact with the picture was made. You see, I made the brilliant decision of wearing ballet flats to work yesterday. Great for my adorable clothing ensemble, not so great for my foot. Although, I am excited to see what kind of awesomely horrific bruise develops once the goose egg subsides…

In other, new news… I recently discovered whipped cream. I know what you’re thinking: “You discovered ‘whipped cream’? What are you, five?” No, no I am not. And no, I have no clue how I made it through 30 years of being on this earth and not discovering whipped cream. I blame it on my mother and her penchant for Cool Whip. You know what? Cool Whip is crap compared to any and all whipped cream. Whipped cream is amazing. I’m putting it on and/or in everything I eat and/or drink. For instance: Coffee, strawberries, potato chips. It really doesn’t matter because it is delicious and pretty much the one thing that gets me through the day.

In addition to all that news, I have recently made the decision that if I am to make anything of my life, I need to get together with Prince Harry. Why? I dunno. Just a thought. Plus, he’s relatively cute despite the ever-growing bald spot on top of his head. Poor, balding princes…

I know what you’re thinking: “Um… WHAT?”  I know. I blame it on the copious amounts of coffee I drank this morning and the fact that I really have no new news except for that which I just informed you of which isn’t really news at all but instead just incoherent ramblings of an Annie hopped up on WAY too much caffeine. You’re welcome, blogosphere. You. Are. Welcome.

 

Things That Made Me Go, “Hmm…” – Week 33

So, last week I skipped my regularly scheduled post because I was busy whining and wallowing in self-pity. But now that I’m back to being awesome, here’s what made me go, “Hmm…” these past two weeks.

  • Last week I saw a squirrel walking across the street. A squirrel. Walking. It may as well have been Jesus walking on water because that’s how surreal this whole experience was. Have you ever seen a squirrel walk? It’s pretty much the most bizarre thing you will ever witness. Don’t believe me? Next time you see a squirrel, watch how it moves. It’s either running, or hopping, or scampering. It is never, ever, EVER walking. As in putting one foot in front of the other, taking it’s time and just strolling along. I can’t even describe to you how disturbing the whole event was. Why? BECAUSE SQUIRRELS DON’T WALK, IDIOTS.

Duh.

Oh… Dear GAWD.

YAY!

  • This popped up in my Facebook news feed this week:

Why yes, as a matter of fact they are singing about potato salad… And just when you think it couldn’t get any weirder… it totally does.

  • And then there was this…

Which leaves me with so many questions right around the 38 second mark. Because… why? And… how? And… really?

Alrighty, kiddos. I’m pretty sure that’s all I have for this week’s installment. Tune in next week for… well, I don’t know what, but I will. So, tune in and find out. Geeze, is that too much to ask?

Over n’ out, good buddies.