The You-Know-What Has Just Hit the Fan

I know I’ve been MIA more often than usual.

I also know I’ve been harrible at maintaining my weekly “Hmm…” post.

I also haven’t taken the time to visit my bloggity peeps to tweet and retweet their content and all the fun stuff that comes with having a blog.

For any and all of the above, I apologize.

Some of it has been the new school year, and trying to keep my head screwed on straight.

Some of it has been to wrap my mind around the you-know-what that has just hit the fan.

You see, I just found out on Friday that my mom is sick. Sick with the “c” word.

I absolutely hate my life right now. If I could, I would bury my head in the sand and not pop back up for another year and a half until the storm has passed. If I could, I would avoid all of this. I’ve never been one to run away from things, but this? This is worthy of running away from. Not that running away would accomplish much of anything, but it would help me out immensely right now.

I don’t know details about much of anything… and honestly, I don’t know that I want to know any details. All I know is that I’m clinging to my faith like never before, and praying and praying and praying for a miracle. Because I can’t do this again. I just can’t. Being an orphan does not sound like much fun. So, I’m keeping my focus on Him, on His word, on His promises, on His goodness and grace and trusting Him to turn this around for good. Because I just can’t do anything else right now.

I’ve been asking close friends to pray. They promise they will. Then they go about with their lives as usual. Which inexplicably enrages me. I want to scream, “WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?! DID YOU NOT HEAR WHAT I JUST SAID?! DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THAT A VERY IMPORTANT PERSON IS GOING THROUGH SOMETHING HUGELY DIFFICULT RIGHT NOW? HOW CAN YOU NOT CARE?! HOW CAN YOU BE SO SELFISH?!”

And then I realize that that is silly and stupid. Other peoples’ lives don’t stop because you’re dealing with something hard. But I wish they would. Because that only seems fair.

So, if you’re of the praying Christian persuasion, I would really appreciate some prayers. Prayers for healing. Prayers for faith.

I’ll try to write when I can.

Later, peeps.

 

 

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Random Thoughts on a Random Tuesday

Why random thoughts on a random Tuesday? Because I said so, that’s why.

  • This morning, I had my first dentist appointment in THREE YEARS. (Don’t you judge me. I have harrible tooth anxiety. What? That’s a thing. That’s totally a thing.) To say I was concerned was an understatement. I thought they were going to be scraping my teeth for a full five hours and then sending me to an oral specialist for some kind of unknown, unpronounceable mouth thing. Turns out, the scraping only took half an hour and I had no cavities. I know what you’re thinking…

.

Because it’s exactly what I was thinking too. Although, I did get a short lecture on flossing more. And then I was told that the gum-line near my bicuspids had receded to the point that my roots were exposed… and eventually, I would probably need a skin graft. Which I already knew about… and thus the reason I had been avoiding the dentist for the past three years. But now that I won’t have dental insurance (you know, after having taken my vow of poverty for the Catholic diocese…), I can surely put it off for another year. But eventually, I’m going to have to put on my big girl pants, and just bite the bullet. But not right now. For now, I shall celebrate my mostly healthy, and conspicuously clean mouth.

  • In other news, I know shockingly little about Joseph Stalin. This occurred to me after watching a documentary about him on the History Channel. Did you know he was in power up until the 1950s? And he started all kinds of concentration camps in Russia? WHO KNEW?! I mean, I vaguely remember skimming over him in World History in 11th grade, but otherwise? Yeah, we didn’t really talk about him. It was always Hitler, Hitler, Hitler. Well, what about Stalin? Mussolini? General Mao? Saddam Hussein? HMM??? Shouldn’t they at least be given a footnote in our history books?!

Why should Hitler just get to stomp around like a giant while the rest of us try not to get smushed under his big feet? The other ruthless, murderous dictators are just as cute as Hitler, right? The other ruthless, murderous dictators are just as smart as Hitler. People totally like the other ruthless, murderous dictators just as much as they like Hitler, and when did it become okay for Hitler to be the boss of everybody because that’s not what ruthless, murderous dictatorship is about! We should all just stab Hitler!”

Mean Girls? Oh, nevermind. It was stretch anyway. Needless to say,  I will be picking up history books from the library and brushing up on world history. Because… you know… being dumb about stuff is never ideal.

  • I have made a decision that from here on out every Tuesday on this here blog is going to be”Charity Tuesday”. It is here that I will highlight a charity and/or worthy cause worth giving to, promoting, or volunteering time to. And then you guys can take it from there. And retweet it. And repost it. And reblog it. And get other people to care. Because every little bit helps, right? Right. And I’m feeling particularly charitable lately.
  • I have been deplorably lazy with reading other peoples’ blogs lately. I PROMISE I will come around and catch up. There’s really no excuse for my lack of visits. I’m just lazy. And sometimes busy. But mostly, just lazy.

*sigh*

With that being said… I suppose I should finish my laundry. And maybe work on some lesson plans. Maybe brush my teeth again (you know, for good luck or… something).

Catch you on the flip-side, peeps.

 

All hope is lost

So, apparently, when Sister Who Lives Far Away came to visit, she brought with her the Ebola virus.

Oh, calm down. I kid… I think.

No, really, it’s not Ebola. No. Definitely not. At least I don’t think it is…

All I know is that after I dropped her off at the airport, I was sneezing something awful and my head got all congested and it was back to the mouth-breathing debacle of February 2015.

So, I took some Benadryl, downed some Emergen-C, and went to bed. Only to awaken 4 hours later feeling like death warmed over. So, I took some Zyrtec. Only to awaken another 4 hours later feeling quite chipper. I thought I had beat the thing.

But then the past few days, I’ve been ridiculously exhausted, and I keep waking myself up from all the snoring that the mouth-breathing brings with it. And these nasal passages seem hell bent on not decongesting, so it’s back to this:

Only, this morning it was accompanied by a massive migraine and a really sore and swollen thumb joint and ZERO COFFEE IN THE HOUSE.

Suffice to say, it has NOT been a good morning peeps.

This was my morning.

Somehow I was able to pull myself together enough to put in a call to the doctor to figure out WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH MY DANG THUMB! Have I told you about this stupid thing? Ugh… for the last 3 months, it has been swollen and sore. And no, it is not from texting. I use my index fingers to text, so it’s not that. I don’t know if it’s arthritis (Aren’t I a little YOUNG for that kind of thing?!?!), or the Ebola virus, or just overuse. All I know is that it’s really, really hard to open a jar in the morning. And if I’m remembering correctly, this may be a continuous thing that I just didn’t notice before. Which would suggest arthritis, but again… AREN’T I A LITTLE YOUNG FOR THAT KIND OF THING?!

Mer. Life is hard. And it isn’t fair.

This may have been me five minutes ago…

Add to all this, the fact that I have NO FREAKIN’ CLUE WHAT I’M DOING WHEN IT COMES TO PREPARING FOR THE START OF THE SCHOOL YEAR, the Republican party has completely lost it’s freakin’ mind, people are just annoying the crap out of me in general… and STILL NO COFFEE… and it’s just… well… All hope is lost, peeps. All. Hope. Is. Lost.

At least until I get some coffee into my system. I should go do that, huh?

 

Eating my weight in crap food

So, while I’ve been waiting to hear back about the job, I’ve taken up a new hobby:

Eating my weight in crap food.

It’s pretty fantastic. And an awesome stress reliever.

This new hobby probably has a little something to do with my Aunt Flo coming to visit, but I probably can’t blame everything on her. (Actually, that’s not true. Actually, I can blame everything on her. I wonder if anyone has used this as a defense during a criminal trial. I mean, when you think about it, women are probably at their homicidal-ragiest when their Aunt Flo is visiting. I’d like to see that play out in trial. I’ll bet Lorena Bobbitt could have gotten off scott-free with that defense…)

Sorry… what was I saying?

Oh, yes. Eating my weight in crap food. Normally, I would blame this on Aunt Flo, but I try to spread the wealth every now and then, and so I’ve decided to blame some of it on the waiting game.

Waiting is hard.

But you know what is delicious?

MINT OREOS.

Plus, the mint in those babies, is like… DOUBLE STUFFED. None of this ‘thin layer of mint’ crap. No. There’s like… A LOT of mint in those things.

OOH… do they have Mint Oreo Blizzards? If not, they totally should. Those things would be amazing. I’d live off those things. I’d put on 300 pounds with those things. Seriously… why do they not have those things?! Get on it, will you Dairy Queen?!

Boo… I guess they do have those things. I guess I won’t be making millions off my totally worthwhile and completely original idea. Thanks a lot, Dairy Queen. Guess I should get to work putting on those 300 pounds…

Actually, you know what I should be doing right now? Yoga. I hear it’s an excellent stress reliever.

You know what’s also an excellent stress reliever?

Not doing yoga when your Aunt Flo is visiting.

Looks like I’m heading to Dairy Queen.

 

 

Pap Smears, Poop Smears and Other Random Crap

I just got back from yet another doctor’s appointment. I’m not even sure what I was in for this time. Last time she told me to schedule a physical despite the whole “Pap smears only required every 3 years now” thing. (Seriously, is there any term uglier than “pap smear”? I mean… it has the word “smear” in it, which is never a good thing, and let’s face it… “pap” is a pretty unattractive term too. Just… ew.) So, I did.

I went back in today and she was all like, “Um, what are you here for?”

And I was like, “Um… I dunno. You told me to come in for a physical???”

And she was all, “But didn’t we do a physical last time?”

And I was all “Um… I… I actually don’t remember.”

And then she went through the whole “pap smear only required every three years” thing again.

And then I was all, “Ohhhh… yeah, but we never did a breast exam.” Which, honestly, I’m not even sure why I brought it up because there are much better things I could be doing than lying on an exam table having a doctor feel me up. (That’s just never a pleasant experience.)

So, then that happened, and you try to have some sort of awkward conversation while they’re poking and prodding and it’s just… weird.

So, to rid myself of feeling completely violated, I went and got myself a coffee and scone afterwards. And then I just stood at the counter for… oh… what felt like an eternity. And THREE TIMES three SEPARATE PEOPLE asked me what I was standing there for, and THREE SEPARATE TIMES I told them I needed to pay for my food, but it wasn’t until the 4th attempt that they FINALLY took my money. I’m sure I looked like an imbecile… just standing there… staring… waiting… holding my food… But dudes… TAKE THE MONEY ALREADY. I should have just left. They honestly would never have known.

And then on the drive home, I was thinking about the term “pap smear” which reminded me of the term “poop smear” which reminded me of the fact that just a few days ago, I was running around with rubber gloves on my hands, trying to pin down a Maine Coon who had poop smears all over his rear end because things didn’t get “taken care of” properly in the litter box. Do you have any idea how unpleasant that was? Trying not to vomit through the smell? And the smearing? Oh, the smearing. And then the dragging of the butt on the carpet and the screams of, “NOOOOOooooooooooo! STOOOOOOOOOOPPPPPPP!” And then the running around with rags and disinfectant and cleaning solution and trying to keep him isolated until I could give him a bath. And then the bath…. Oh, the noise and the scratches and the screams and the weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth… and lots and lots of soap and even more poop and… it was awful. I honestly wonder why I have a pet sometimes.

In other news (i.e. random crap), I have an interview scheduled for that teaching job. (Woo-hoo!) And I started my summer job and everyone was super excited to see me and lots of hugs were had. (Awwww…) And my hair has been looking FAN-tastic as of late. (YESSSSS!) And according to the scale at the clinic, I’m a whole 3 pounds lighter than I was when I was in last week. (WHA?!) So, all in all… SCORE.

I’m going to go finish my coffee and try to soak in all the awesomeness I can.

Later, peeps.

Sleeping my life away

Anyone else feeling tired lately?

And by tired I mean exhausted?

And by exhausted I mean shot with a tranquilizer gun?

And by shot with a tranquilizer gun I mean…

Anytime. Anywhere. Blanket and pillow not necessary. A flat surface is all I need.

And…

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

*crickets*

*Insert occasional Annie snort here*

It’s ridiculous, people. I sleep past my alarm. I fall asleep in the afternoon. I’m ready for bed at 10:00. It’s like I’m a kid again. Nay, a teenager. I just. Want. To sleep.

All the time.

Right now? Yep. Pretty much. Regardless of the fact that I just accidentally took a 2 hour nap I wasn’t even intending to take. I mean, I meant to “lie down” for 40 minutes or so… and then pretty soon, I realize I didn’t even wake up for supper.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!

Maybe it’s narcolepsy. Maybe it’s a thyroid problem. Maybe my brain is going a million miles a minute and my body just hasn’t had the chance to catch up.

All I know is, it better stop. Otherwise, I’m going to sleep my life away. And now is when it’s just starting to get good.

Gif Source: http://charliemunkee.tumblr.com/post/37202992462/when-life-attacks

 

Like a record, baby. Right round, round, round.

Right now, I should be in a second grade classroom trying to get those hooligans to put away their math workbooks quietly, and then quietly clean up their space so they can get ready for recess.

But I’m not.

Instead, I’m here. Sitting at my computer. Writing to you guys.

Why?

Because… Vertigo.

It started at 3:00 am. I was woken up by something (probably my stupid cat), and greeted by a spinning room.

Spinning. Like a record, baby. Right round round round.

“NOOOOoooooooo!” I thought to myself. “I have to work in the morning! Go away, vertigo! Go away. Go away. Go awayyyyy…..”

And then I fell asleep.

When my alarm went off 3 hours later…

Spinning. Room.

I wasn’t even sitting up yet.

I closed my eyes again.

Room still spinning. Only not visually… just in my head. My head was spinning.

I closed my eyes tightly and rubbed them. Then opened them.

Room. Still. Spinning.

I sat up.

The spinning continued. Like I was ready to pin the tail on the donkey, but no one had spun me.

Do you know how annoying it is when you are unable to get your eyes to focus because the room is spinning?!

The spinning finally stopped and I stood up. The room had righted itself, but the floating, spinning feeling remained.

Crap. How am I supposed to teach a bunch of hyperactive, emotionally immature 2nd graders when I can’t even keep my balance?

So, I made the dreaded phone call. To the school. Apologizing profusely. But I couldn’t come in when I couldn’t even see straight. I didn’t want to fall and crush any 2nd graders. I normally wouldn’t cancel the day OF. I’m sorry I suck. I hope you can find a replacement. I have to go now. Room spinning again.

I’m sure they hated me. What kind of substitute teacher calls in an hour and a half before school to CANCEL? Me. Little Miss Bobble Head.

Crap.

I went back to bed and when I woke up the second time the spinning continued. Then it stopped. Then the floaty feeling started. Now any time the position of my head changes, the floating kicks in. And I really don’t want to lie down because that’s how the spinning starts.

I have a hair appointment at 4:30. I cannot miss it. I already had to reschedule once, and my hair is in desperate need of a trim. I’m just wondering how I’ll deal with having my hair washed. Oy.

Am I dying? I think I’m fine. I have no other symptoms. But I dare not look too much into WebMD for certainty that I will diagnose myself with Ebola.

I think it’s stress-related. I’m the kind of person who bottles everything up and sucks up all the anxiety and worries she can, and then holds onto it until she explodes 6 months later in a flurry of tears and obscenities. (It’s pretty impressive, actually. You should come watch the show sometime…) But until then, my stress and anxiety seeps out and manifests itself in weird ways. Like spinning rooms.

*sigh*

I just hope I’m not dying.