Things That Made Me Go, “Hmm…” – Week 40

Dearest readers,

Forgive my negligence in maintaining my regular blogging duties. My life has been a bit chaotic as of late and I have been unable to keep up with my regularly scheduled posts. (I really do need to make use of that “Schedule a Post” phenomenon…)

That being said, let me take the opportunity to be honest with you for a moment. Two significant things happened this week while preparing for this blog post (or rather, not preparing for this blog post…).

  1. I was not keeping up with the headlines seeing as I was trying to get settled into my new place and my new classroom. Headlines were the last things on my mind, so I was not consciously selecting articles for this week’s post.
  2. Nothing interesting happened this week. Literally nothing. At least I’m not aware of anything interesting happening this week. It could be because I wasn’t watching for it, but from the look’s of it, it was a pretty slow news week. When Donald Trump doesn’t throw a single hissy fit, you know it’s a slow week for news.

Therefore, we may be scraping the bottom of the barrel this week, thanks to the fact that EVERYONE ignored my Twitter plea to share interesting story ideas with me… Thanks, a lot, you mangy whores. (I don’t even know what that means, so don’t bother asking.)

Now, without further delay, here’s my very short list of things that made me go, “Hmm…” this week:

  • Damon Wayans went on a tirade this week. A ridiculous and stupid tirade, but a tirade nonetheless. Based on this tirade, I am now thoroughly convinced he is the jackass I always thought he could be. Way to be, Damon Wayans. Way. To. Be.
  • Speaking of royalty, I may be a little late to this party, but is this an actual thing??? I mean… you can’t just claim a kingdom, can you? I know it’s TLC but… it was in the news too. This is just too embarrassing for words. Just… go away, strange heirs. Go. Away.
  • And lastly, for those of you wondering about my personal life now that I have embarked upon this new adventure, this about sums it up:
fridge boyfriend

I really, REALLY need this t-shirt.

Okay, peeps. That’s all I have for this week. Next week, be dears and help a girl out with her headlines, WILL YA? I’m not asking for much. I mean… C’MON.

Over n’ out, good buddies. Have a great week.

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Random Thoughts on a Random Tuesday

Why random thoughts on a random Tuesday? Because I said so, that’s why.

  • This morning, I had my first dentist appointment in THREE YEARS. (Don’t you judge me. I have harrible tooth anxiety. What? That’s a thing. That’s totally a thing.) To say I was concerned was an understatement. I thought they were going to be scraping my teeth for a full five hours and then sending me to an oral specialist for some kind of unknown, unpronounceable mouth thing. Turns out, the scraping only took half an hour and I had no cavities. I know what you’re thinking…

.

Because it’s exactly what I was thinking too. Although, I did get a short lecture on flossing more. And then I was told that the gum-line near my bicuspids had receded to the point that my roots were exposed… and eventually, I would probably need a skin graft. Which I already knew about… and thus the reason I had been avoiding the dentist for the past three years. But now that I won’t have dental insurance (you know, after having taken my vow of poverty for the Catholic diocese…), I can surely put it off for another year. But eventually, I’m going to have to put on my big girl pants, and just bite the bullet. But not right now. For now, I shall celebrate my mostly healthy, and conspicuously clean mouth.

  • In other news, I know shockingly little about Joseph Stalin. This occurred to me after watching a documentary about him on the History Channel. Did you know he was in power up until the 1950s? And he started all kinds of concentration camps in Russia? WHO KNEW?! I mean, I vaguely remember skimming over him in World History in 11th grade, but otherwise? Yeah, we didn’t really talk about him. It was always Hitler, Hitler, Hitler. Well, what about Stalin? Mussolini? General Mao? Saddam Hussein? HMM??? Shouldn’t they at least be given a footnote in our history books?!

Why should Hitler just get to stomp around like a giant while the rest of us try not to get smushed under his big feet? The other ruthless, murderous dictators are just as cute as Hitler, right? The other ruthless, murderous dictators are just as smart as Hitler. People totally like the other ruthless, murderous dictators just as much as they like Hitler, and when did it become okay for Hitler to be the boss of everybody because that’s not what ruthless, murderous dictatorship is about! We should all just stab Hitler!”

Mean Girls? Oh, nevermind. It was stretch anyway. Needless to say,  I will be picking up history books from the library and brushing up on world history. Because… you know… being dumb about stuff is never ideal.

  • I have made a decision that from here on out every Tuesday on this here blog is going to be”Charity Tuesday”. It is here that I will highlight a charity and/or worthy cause worth giving to, promoting, or volunteering time to. And then you guys can take it from there. And retweet it. And repost it. And reblog it. And get other people to care. Because every little bit helps, right? Right. And I’m feeling particularly charitable lately.
  • I have been deplorably lazy with reading other peoples’ blogs lately. I PROMISE I will come around and catch up. There’s really no excuse for my lack of visits. I’m just lazy. And sometimes busy. But mostly, just lazy.

*sigh*

With that being said… I suppose I should finish my laundry. And maybe work on some lesson plans. Maybe brush my teeth again (you know, for good luck or… something).

Catch you on the flip-side, peeps.

 

Listen here, Bloggity Peeps

Listen here, bloggity peeps. I may be MIA for the next few days because I have to move.

As in, relocate.

To another location.

That is not here.

But rather there.

You know, because of the new job and all.

If I’m being perfectly honest, this whole “moving” debacle has been going on for about a month… and will not be wrapped up for another week and a half or so. You know, because all of my belongings are scattered throughout the state thanks to the divorce abandonment and all.

It’s kind of been a headache. And by the time everything is said and done, I will probably need a month-long nap.

So, if you don’t hear from me for a few days, don’t send out a search party. Fear not, for I shall return… stronger than ever… thanks to all the heavy lifting I will be required to do.

And just in case you’re wondering, here’s a sneak peek of the next few days…

So, don’t worry about me. I’ll be back. (With some awesome moving stories to be sure…)

OOH! ALSO…

Shameless Bloggity Peep Promotion in 3, 2, 1…

So, apparently, there’s this BlogLovin’ Competition going on where bloggers are trying to get as many followers in a certain period of time as possible. Or…something like that. ANYhoodles… Miss Cora from Apricots and Cream asked me to ask you to FOLLOW HER ON BLOGLOVIN’! So… go do it. Because you are my minions, and I honestly don’t ask much from you. Also? She’s a phenomenal blogger with a TON of interesting stuff to share, so really, it’s like a win-win for everyone involved. And if you love me at all, you’ll just do what I say. Mm-kay? Mm-kay.

Okay, back to packing.

Catch you on the flip-side, peeps.

Sincerest apologies to you all…

Sometimes I write really stupid, whiny posts. And then I come across people who are actually dealing with actual… crap… and I feel harrible for whining. I’m not all that serious when I whine. I know life is good. I know the things I’m whining about are stupid and inane. There are just those days when you just need a good whine, you know?

But I’m genuinely sorry if my whining ever makes you go, “Ugh, ANNIE. You wanna know what REAL problems are?!” Because I KNOW what real problems are, and I know the inane whinings of stupid people just make the real problems even worse. And for that, I’m sorry.

(Note to self: Quit blogging when you haven’t had your morning coffee yet, woman. Seriously.)

Tales of awesomeness

First of all, let me apologize profusely for being MIA the past couple of weeks. Things have gotten busy and between apartment hunting, work scheduling conflicts, preparing for the new job, and trying to enjoy a little bit of the summer… I just haven’t had the time to update nearly as much as I would like. Which isn’t to say I haven’t thought about you guys. There’s nary (good word, huh?) a day that goes by when I don’t think, “OOH! I have to tell my bloggity peeps about this…” So, rest assured, you are not far from my mind. Because I heart you all.

SO… now that I actually have some time, I’m TOTALLY going to fill you in on all those things that I wanted to tell you guys about but haven’t had a chance to. Also, to best convey my emotions concerning these recent events, I will be performing an interpretive dance using Gifs as my chosen medium. (You’re right. That last sentence doesn’t make any sense. And I still don’t care.)

So, grab your coffee, sit back, and let me regale you with tales of awesomeness. Ready? OKAY! (You know, like a cheerleader? OH MY GAWSH… do I have to explain everything to you people??? Stay with me…)

Yesterday, a little white-haired old lady was in the shop. She was looking at our selection of greeting cards. We have one line of greeting cards with beautiful artwork on the front, and very, very cheeky messages on the inside. You know, so you can admire the artwork on the front and then open the card and be all…

Most people adore them. Some people don’t understand them. This little old lady was one of them. She was admiring the picture of the bird on the front of the card, but didn’t understand the message inside which said something about “T and A”. So, she asked me about it, saying, “I just love this card. It’s so beautiful. But I don’t know what T and A means. Do you know what it means? I can’t get a card if I don’t understand it…” I didn’t have the heart to explain what T and A meant, so I played dumb, and prattled on about, “Hmm… I’m not sure what that means. Some of those cards are pretty funny, but that one I don’t get either…” I mean, seriously… what are you supposed to say to an 80 year old great grandmother about T and A?

*sigh*

Then, of course, yesterday was the day my micro-managing boss decided to get involved in every single conversation I had with every single customer. You know, because that’s how micro-managing bosses roll. So, I was chatting with one lady who was interesting in purchasing an adorable stuffed tiger cub we had for sale. She wanted to purchase it for her friend who had just gotten a job as curator at a big cat sanctuary. However, my boss did not know this. She had only picked up on parts of the conversation and had come to the conclusion that the customer liked tigers. So, she suggested to me that I show the customer the beautiful tiger rug we have for sale. I smiled and nodded and knew I was not going to show the customer the beautiful tiger rug we have for sale for obvious reasons. However, my boss took it upon herself to insist that the customer see the beautiful tiger rug we have for sale and fetched the rug to show it to her. To which the customer responded with something like this:

And I was like…

But my boss, being out of the loop, was all very confused by her reaction, so the customer explained the story behind the gift and then my boss was all…

And I was all…

Let me do my job, woman!

And that’s the story of the tiger rug.

In other news, the ass hat came to town for God knows what reason. Why the heck he can’t stay away from my bubble is beyond me. STAY AWAY FROM MY BUBBLE, YO. MY BUBBLE. NOT YOURS. GO AWAY.

But of course, instead of staying away, he insisted that he drop off some items that I had left in the apartment. And by “items” I mean, “crap”. As in, literal crap.

Crap that consisted of a random computer mouse, a couple of cracked picture frames, an old picture he had taken for me when we were dating and he was in his “I’m a gifted photographer with zero skills or talent!” phase, a couple of magazines from FOUR YEARS AGO, and a sample package of coffee from two years ago that I had received from a co-worker as a Christmas gift. To which I responded to all the aforementioned items with this:

And if you’re thinking this:

You’d be absolutely right.

Because one of these days, he’s going to poke the bear one too many times and then…

So, there’s that.

Also? In case any of you are wondering, I currently have a zit the size of Cincinnati on my neck. Yeah. You heard that right. A zit. On my neck. I hate this time of the month…

Okay… so I think that pretty much covers everything. Except that it totally doesn’t. But if I go on any longer, you guys will be all…

So, I’ll just quit while I’m ahead.

In other news… what’s new with you? Any frustrating bosses? Ass hat exes? Confused old ladies? I demand to hear all about it forthwith.

 

A few important announcements, that aren’t really all that important, if we’re being honest with ourselves.

Here are a few important announcements… or not:

  • 1st of all… and this is probably the most important part of this post… I FINALLY got around to updating my blog list. Yeah. For reals. I added like… 8 new blogs and everything. So, you should go check out the new updated list… and then squeal with delight when you find your blog on that list. Also… there’s a possibility, that I follow you, but you are not on that list. If this is the case… LET ME KNOW. Seriously. I try to keep up with the list, but sometimes a few blogs fall through the cracks and I neglect to put them up on the list. So, I apologize for that and you should totally let me know how stupid I am for allowing that to happen.
  • 2nd of all… I just found out that the job I totally missed out on was given to the 2 student teachers that had student-taught at the school this year. Unless it’s because of budget constraints, there is ZERO excuse for passing up my awesomeness for a couple of student teachers. NONE. Not that I’m bitter or anything…
  • Thirdly, I looked up how much private school teachers make a year. And then I died. And had to be resuscitated. It was not pretty, my friends. I merely looked because I’m interviewing at a private school. Apparently, if you teach at a private school, you also take a vow of poverty. And then die soon thereafter because you cannot afford to feed yourself. *sigh* Could I please just catch a break here?
  • Fourthly… yeah, there isn’t a fourth thing. But I like how you hung in there with me, waiting for the big reveal of the fourth thing. You’re a good friend. So, thanks for that.

Later, peeps.

Go ahead. Motivate me.

So, I’m really trying to get into the swing of writing again.

And by “writing”, I don’t mean posting inane rants on my blog just to blow off steam. Don’t get me wrong… I love posting inane rants just to blow off steam… but at some point, I need to get some “serious” writing done. You know… buckle down and actually work on those projects that have been in the works for the last year.

But it’s hard. Even when I only work 2 days a week, the other 5 seem to be taken up with all kinds of time wasters. Not that I’m wasting my time… there are things that need to be taken care of, obviously. Like…

  • Laundry
  • Gardening
  • Cleaning up cat vomit
  • Spring cleaning
  • Preparing for important interviews
  • Reading “People” Magazine
  • Checking the headlines incessantly as if any new news has come in in the last 15 seconds since I last checked
  • Painting my toenails.
  • Wondering if I should go in for a pedicure.
  • Checking Facebook even though I DO NOT CARE
  • Checking Twitter
  • Doing anything and everything to distract myself from the writing task at hand

I realize I need to put on my big girl pants and just “get down to work”… but it’s HAAAARRRRDDDDD. (Okay, it’s not really… I just like to whine sometimes..)

How do you guys do it? Does it help to have a set “writing time” where you’re not allowed to focus on anything else except writing? Do you reward yourself when you get a certain amount of writing done (and does that actually motivate you?)? Do you find that you work best during a certain time of day? How do you control yourself from incessantly getting distracting by everything on the internet? Do you have to go somewhere to get quality writing done? Inquiring minds want to know.

SO… I want you all to give me your best writing advice. What works for you? What doesn’t? Any tips, suggestions and advice? Because I will take it all.

Bring it on, peeps. Go ahead. Motivate me.