Things I Never Understood About Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood

This morning, of all things, I awoke with the “Ana, Prince & Daniel” song stuck in my head.

Anyone? Anyone?

Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood?

It went a little something like this:

Ana, Prince, and Daniel
Ana, Prince, and Daniel
Daniel, Prince, and Ana are near
Ana, Prince, and Daniel
Ana, Prince, and Daniel
Daniel, Prince, and Ana are here.

Brilliant, right? I thought so. (I really wish I could find a YouTube video of it, but alas, it was not meant to be.)

ANYhoodles, for some weird reason, that song was stuck in my head this morning. I know… I had the same reaction.

Oh, Jack…

It was weird because…

A. Why Mr. Rogers?

B. Why that song?

C. Why, after not having heard that song for some 25 years, would it be stuck in my head?

My brain is sometimes a frightening and unsettling place, my friends.

Anyway, it got me thinking about Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood and his Neighborhood of Make-Believe, and all the things I found so strange about it as a child.  Things like…

  • Mr. McFeely. Really? That’s the name you’re going to go with? For a children’s television show? Umm… I think maybe revisiting that decision might be a good idea.
  • King Friday XIII, Queen Sara Saturday and Prince Tuesday: Why those days? Why not Monday, Wednesday, Thursday or Sunday? I really would like an explanation for this, because even as a child, I wished they would introduce a whole gaggle of prince and princesses that had the names of the other days of the week.
  • Purple Panda: That thing was just weird. Like… really, really weird. I felt like I was on an acid trip every time that thing came on the show.

See what I mean?

  • Lady Elaine: First of all, where is all of this aristocratic, blue-blooded, mumbo-jumbo coming from, Mr. Rogers? This here’s ‘Merica. Anyway, that puppet truly freaked me out. She looked like a witchy school marm. Whenever she was on, I always thought, “Ugh. Lady Elaine. That b****.” Only, in my child-like innocence it was more like, “Big Meanie Head.”
  • Daniel Striped Tiger: First of all, I could never figure out why they pronounced his middle name as “Stripe-Ed”. Dudes, it’s “striped”, one syllable. Get it straight. Secondly, why was he so freakin’ shy?! He was afraid of everything! I remember even as a child thinking, “Oh, for crying out loud, Daniel. GET OVER IT!”
  • Bob Dog: Seriously. Don’t even get me started on that dude.

Seriously, Bob Dog? Seriously?! You stupid animal…

Apparently, I was quite the snarky, cynical child. I bet my siblings loved watching TV with me. What can I say? I guess I’m a realist. OOH! Maybe this is where my disdain for all Fantasy/Sci Fi started! YESSSS… Let’s go with that. (Thanks, Mr. Rogers…) Because honestly, I loved the opening and closing sequences when Mr. Rogers would talk about “real-life” and have heart to heart discussions with the kiddos, but once that trolley left his house, I was all, “Aw, crap. Now I have to sit through this? MER.”

Clearly, I was the weirdest child ever.

Did you guys ever have TV shows that just bewildered you? Or things about the shows you loved that you just didn’t understand? I demand to hear all about these things forthwith.

And…..GO.

The Real Neat Blog Award… Starring June Cleaver

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Okay, so more than a week ago, I was nominated by the Baffled Baboon for “The Real Neat Blog Award” (and yes, when I read that phrase, I can only hear it in a Beaver Cleaver voice: “Gee, Wally. That’s a real neat blog you have there.” Did I ever tell you about the time I actually MET June Cleaver? It was pretty epic. But that’s a story for another time…)

HOLY DIGRESSION, BATMAN. What the heck was that?

Where was I? Okay… um… “The Real Neat Blog Award”. Nominated by The Baffled Baboon. (Which is another “real neat” blog, by the way, so you should go check that out, because it’s “real neat” and she talks about monkeys a lot… and she’s super funny… which is “real neat”, you know?)

ANYhoodles… just as I was getting around to writing about “The Real Neat Blog Award”, I was nominated again by Lisa over at Real Mom of Long Island. (Again, another “real neat” blog because she’s both really funny and quite insightful and her life as a mom pretty much needs to be made into a TV show… so, it’s “real neat”.) Which, just solidified the fact that I need to get around to actually writing about it. SO, without further adieu… Here are the rules:

1) Put the award logo on your blog.

2) Answer 7 questions asked by the person who nominated you.

3) Thank the people who nominated you, linking to their blogs.

4) Nominate any number of bloggers you like, linking to their blogs.

5) Let them know you nominated them (by commenting on their blog etc.)

Here are the 7 (Now 14) questions that i need to answer:

First from Baffled Baboon

1. If you could travel back in time, what event would you want to witness?

Um… er… hmm… Good grief, that’s a tricky one. Um… Okay, got it. The end of World War II in 1945. From the parades and celebrations of our troops coming home, to the news reels of Jewish prisoners being released from the concentration camps. How amazing would it have been to witness that sort of victory? Pretty epic. (Not epic like meeting June Cleaver, mind you, but still… pretty epic.) 

2. Have you ever been pulled over by a cop?

Hahahahahaha! NO. Dude, I haven’t even gotten a parking ticket. Wait. No. No, I HAVE gotten a parking ticket, but it took me nearly 30 years to accomplish that one, so I’m not planning on getting pulled over anytime soon. Unless the cop is hot. Then we’ll see.

3. If you could only eat one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be?

SAMMICHES! Also? Sandwiches. Seriously. Is there anything better than a sandwich? Putting all your favorite ingredients in the same place in a handy, easy-to-hold, easy-to-carry contraption like that? It’s sheer brilliance. What’s not to love?

4. What was the last lie you told?

Seriously? I lie to children on a near-daily basis. It would clearly be impossible to keep track of them all. Although, if I really had to dig, it was probably when I told little Miss 2nd Grade Sassy Pants that her getting two guinea pigs for Easter was pretty much the coolest thing ev-ER. (When everyone knows it was really that one time I met June Cleaver…)

5. If you could be any age for a week, what age would you be?

Twenty-five. That was the age I was when I married the ass-hat, and I obviously want a do-over. Plus, it was a pretty good age all around.

6. What is your worst habit?

I chew gum. A LOT. I think it’s become a nervous habit. I apologize if it grosses you out. I’m trying to cut back. I swear.

7. If a baboon were to hypothetically knock on your door and hypothetically ask for some money to hypothetically build a hypothetical time machine, how much hypothetical money would you hypothetically donate?

One MILLION hypothetical dollars. It’s not every day a talking baboon comes around asking for hand outs. That’s pretty epic. (Again, not meeting June Cleaver epic, but pretty epic.)

AND… from Real Mom of Long Island

1. What is the best thing you love about where you are from?

The lakes and the trees. You literally (the British pronunciation, not the American one) cannot go a mile without tripping over a lake here. They. Are. Everywhere. And they are pristine and gorgeous. After spending a week out west, I was homesick for all the lakes. I love me a good lake. And the trees? Again. They’re EVERYWHERE around here. As far as the eye can see. It’s sheer perfection. Plus, it’s pretty remote, so if you ever want to get lost, this is the place to do it.

2. Where did your blog name come from?

Where DID my blog name come from? I don’t know. I think I based it on how I was feeling after that Harrible, Terrible, No Good, Very Bad thing happened. My emotions were all over the place, and I knew I would have to go Under and Over, Around and Through a lot of things to get to the other side. But now I’m here… so… YAY!

3. What is your dream job?

Helping others. It would literally be doing some type of charity work – helping, serving, raising awareness and funds for causes I hold near and dear to my heart. Helping people in war-torn, developing countries. Getting food, clean water, medical supplies, building shelters and schools for people that need it the most. Promoting educational causes, working with and inspiring kids, and speaking out against injustices. And then? Writing about it, speaking about it, and getting other people to care about it. Also? Doing a lot of traveling in the process. Honestly, nothing makes me feel more fulfilled than when I’m able to help someone else and bring a smile to their face. 

4. Favorite book?

TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD?! Hello?! Bloggity peeps… c’mon. We’ve covered this, have we not?

5. Which single person has inspired you the most in life?

OOH! I know this one! JUNE. CLEAVER. (Okay, not really. But I don’t have a better answer at this time…)

6. What do you love most about yourself?

Um… the fact that I once met JUNE CLEAVER?! Okay. Not really. I guess I like that overall, I’m a really happy, fun, optimistic person. And I’m feisty. You can’t really get me down too easily, and if you do… I won’t stay there.

7. Dream Vacation?

AFRICA. Africa, Africa, Africa. I have wanted to go there since I was a little girl. The people? The animals? The scenery? The customs? *sigh* I think I would instantly fall in love and never want to come back.

Got all that? Good. I now nominate the following:

The Neurotic Logic

yellow. fever.

Sane Teachers

My Friday Blog

Shop Girl Anonymous

Single Family Asylum

Beautiful Insanity

Goodbye Whoopee Pie

Whew! Okay. Now for YOUR questions…

  1. On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you love June Cleaver?
  2. Your mom just called. What do you do now?
  3. Where in the world IS Carmen San Diego?
  4. Coffee or Tea?
  5. Are you as cool as I am? If so, why have we not met yet?!
  6. Feet. Do they gross you out as much as they do me?
  7. A Prince song comes on the radio. Do you turn the station or turn it up and jam out?

Okay, that’s it. That’s all I have. Have fun. Be good. Let people with lots of groceries go in front of you in the check out line. Especially if they bear a striking resemblance to June Cleaver. Because… you know.

I’m starting to sense a theme here…

The other day, I received the following in the mail from a dear friend of mine:

Unicorns are Jerks coloring book

Why? Well, for no other reason than the fact that it’s hilariously funny AND a coloring book. I mean, coloring bad ass unicorns? What’s not to love?

Then a few days later, this arrived in the mail from my sister:

Be a Unicorn

My friend and my sister do not know each other. I do not have an affinity for unicorns. They know I do not have an affinity for unicorns. (Not that I have any problems with unicorns. Unicorns are awesome. Fantastic, really. It’s just that, I’ve never had an opinion on them one way or the other.) And yet, the universe is apparently conspiring to ensure that I develop an affinity for unicorns. Because why else would I receive two unicorn related gifts within days of each other from different people who know nothing about one another and are aware of my indifference towards unicorns? Apparently, it is my destiny to become a fan of any and all unicorn related propaganda. Which would officially make me a dork. Which I am not okay with. Is this karma? Or does the universe just have a really quirky sense of humor?

I don’t know. Either way, it was totally weird. And both my friend and my sister were very excited about these gifts. I’ve already been asked if I’ve started coloring in my coloring book yet. (The answer is no, by the way.) And my sister seemed overly concerned that she got me the wrong color and size for the t-shirt… as though I would be wearing it out in public… ever. Not only is it pink, but it has unicorns on it. Do I strike anyone as a pink unicorn kind of girl? (Although, it was “Mug Sister“, and she does have a weird sense of humor. But she sounded very serious about the whole thing over the phone…)

*sigh*

ANYhoodles, so apparently, I have a thing for unicorns now. Keep that in mind next time you need to buy me a gift. Annie’s a big ol’ fan of unicorns.

Go unicorns.

(PSST! If you click on the pictures, it’ll bring you to the places that make these fantastic items. Theo Nicole Lorenz is a fantastically funny artist whose products you can find on Amazon, and City Shirts makes some pretty epic clothing items so… be sure to check those out.)

Conversations with Kindergarteners

“How old were you when you started teaching?”

“83.”

“How old are you now?”

“105.”

*Blank stare*

(Apparently, these are perfectly reasonable answers to a kindergartener.)

*Long pause*

“So, you’re 105 years old?”

“No! Of course not! If I was that old, I’d be hobbling around with a cane!”

“So, how old are you really?”

“I’m 30.”

*Stares at me aghast*

“You’re only 3 years old?! Even I’m older than you!”

Kindergarteners clearly have no understanding of numbers.

Things That Made Me Go, “Hmm…” – Week 22

Here it is. The moment you’ve been waiting for ALL WEEK. You’re welcome, Blogosphere. You. Are. Welcome.

  • This happened this week:

I find it fundamentally strange that people are more upset about the hypotheticals regarding a new law in Indiana than they are about 147 Christians being brutally slaughtered in Kenya… for being Christians. What exactly does that say about our priorities as Americans? Seriously… what is the matter with us? Just because we’re protected from such horrors means it doesn’t matter?

  • Here is a video of Prince Harry flying in a World War II Spitfire:

Aside from the fact that “Spitfire” is the single best name for an aircraft ev-ER, here’s what I find annoyingly weird about this whole thing. If you’re going to write a story highlighting the dude’s charity work (The flight was for promotion of the Spitfire scholarship which offers training for wounded servicemen and women… which is AWESOME), then please do so. But does the story need to reflect our obsession with “celebrity” to such an extent that we write the following stupid headlines? “Prince Harry Gleefully Laughs and Cheers During Spitfire Flight” (from People). Or “Watch Prince Harry Whoop with Delight as His Spitfire Rolls in Top Gun Moment” (from the Mirror). “News” like this makes my head hurt, and headlines that use phrases such as “gleefully” and “whoop with delight” make my head hurt even more. Make the story about the charity work, not oohing and ahhing over well-known people acting like normal human beings because… really? Just… STOP.

  • Rotary phones are the bomb. Children who grew up without rotary phones are sad individuals. That being said, watch these sad individuals try to figure out how to text with a rotary phone.

And if you watch it through to the tail end, you’ll get these little gems:

  1. “I wasn’t born in the 40s so…”
  2. “I love old technology. I’m a fan of plastics”
  3. What is a long distance call?  “Letters?”
  • Someone decided to make a chocolate sculpture of Benedict Cumberbatch. First of all… every time I hear that name, I become inexplicably enraged because I can’t figure out if that’s the name of a human being or a dessert or an Anime character or some historical reference to an obscure military battle fought during the Revolutionary War. Benedict Cumberbatch? What is that? That’s totally made up. Right? Like Kim Kardashian’s ass… not even real.
  • This also happened this week:

Oh, Manuela. You are awesome. (I love how she hides behind the sign in horror.)

Okay, kids. That’s all I have for you this week. Over n’ out, good buddies.

But lastly… A Happy Easter to all!

beautiful-religious-easter-pictures-vqdwg8w4

Thoughts on a Monday

  • I just brought my car in to be serviced at the local dealership. And yes, when I told them I was dropping my car off to be serviced, I inwardly giggled. Because I am that juvenile.
  • My alarm went off right in the middle of a work dream. Work dreams are the worst to wake up from because you’re already stressed out in the dream and then you wake up with the residual anxiety and panic still present, causing you to feel tired, head-achy, and generally hung over. Curse you, work dreams.
  • There is not enough coffee in the world to make finding that many tweets about Ted Cruz on your Twitter feed acceptable. Just… NO. Go away.

  • (I know this isn’t nice to say, but every time I see that guy’s face, I want to punch it. *POW.* Right in the kisser.)
  • You know what goes really well with luke-warm coffee? Girl Scout Thin Mints. Admit it. You totally want my fabulous life.
  • I have a sneaking suspicion that I have a Kim Kardashian ass. Okay, so maybe it’s not that big. Have you guys seen that thing?! (Hers, not mine.) There is no way that is natural. Just… no. Anyway, I’m sure I’m being perfectly unreasonable, but I’m still killing myself with yoga to ensure that doesn’t happen.
  • I have zero subbing jobs lined up for this week. Which means… I better go figure out what I’m going to do with my life. I mean… seriously.  *sigh*

Happy Monday, peeps.

Things That Made Me Go, “Hmm…” – Week 20

Okay, kids. If I’m being honest, I really had nothing to go on this week. I think it’s the funk I’ve been in… I just couldn’t pull it together enough to find brilliant, amusing and thought-provoking material. Thus, the reason this post jumps from current events, to the inane, to commentary on modern art. But hey, at least it’s something. The hoops I jump through for you people… the least you could do is act grateful…

ANYhoodles, here’s a run-down of the things that made me go, “Hmm…” this week:

  • President Obama telling Prince Charles that Americans like the British Royals far more than they do their own politicians. To which Prince Charles replied, “Oh, I don’t believe that.” before shifting the topic to his visit to Mount Vernon. Two things I feel the need to mention here:
    1. DUH. Can you blame us? Our politicians are pretty much… well… harrible. So, there’s always that to contend with.
    2. AWKWARD TRANSITION ANYONE? There’s pretty much nothing worse than awkward transitions. I mean… nothing. Granted, what was Prince Charles supposed to say to that? I mean, I suppose he could have always given a cheeky, “I know, right?”.  (Actually, that would have been fantastic if he had responded with a big ol’ “I KNOW, RIGHT?” Bwahahahahaha! Seriously. That would have made my entire year if that had been uttered, but alas, it was not meant to be.) Instead, the most awkward transition ever was uttered by bringing up Mount Vernon. I wonder if President Obama was like, “What the hell?! Did you hear what I just said?”
  • Sweat Pants. Are people really upset about sweat pants? It was a joke, you idiots. Good grief. Could we please get a sense of humor? (And Eva, please don’t apologize for making a joke. It just means the idiots win.)
  • Proof that I am the clueless friend. Especially that last part. I truly don’t know what that means.
  • Additional proof that at least half the world’s population is full of bullshit:
  • And finally, this brilliant tidbit from Prager University explaining why modern art is so bad, and why I hate it with the passion of a thousand burning hell fires. (You’re welcome to disagree, but he makes some excellent points…)

Alright, bloggity peeps. That’s all I have this week. If you have suggestions for next week, toss them my way. Seriously. No lie. Just do it. Why? Because I asked you and I’m pretty. Like you need another reason?

Over n’ out, good buddies.