Ms. Evans needs a time-out.

Teachers…

Have you ever had those times when no matter how many ways you approach a subject or how many techniques you use to teach it, or how many times you go over it, or how often you review it, or how often you beat your students over the head with the information… THEY STILL JUST DON’T GET IT?!

And you’re all…

This is not happening…

So, you’re like, “Clearly, I need a different approach. And we need to review. And we need to go over this. One. More. Time.”

And so you do. And you spend ANOTHER two weeks on it and still they’re…

As though this is an entirely new concept they have never even heard of before.

Until you’re just…

Seriously. You are clearly incapable of learning anything. Unless it’s the new Taylor Swift song. Whatever. Just… go away.

And then YOU get blamed for being the reason why all of American society is so stupid because clearly you don’t know how to teach, when you just want to scream, “Um, DID IT EVER OCCUR TO YOU PEOPLE THAT YOUR CHILDREN ARE JUST STUPID?!?!”

And then you’re put on unpaid leave because apparently that’s not okay to say or something…

Okay, so clearly I don’t feel that way about my kids. I adore my kids. They are the best things about my day. But if I have to teach SUBJECTS and PREDICATES ONE MORE FREAKIN’ TIME… HEADS ARE GOING TO ROLL, PEOPLE.

How hard is this? HOW HARD?!?!

On my last test, I asked them to circle the subjects (the thing the sentence is about… it’s usually at the beginning of a sentence) in the sentences that followed. You see the part I put in parentheses? I actually put that ON THE TEST. So there would be no confusion. And a bunch of them failed it. Then on the retake, I put the same thing in BOLD LETTERING. They actually did WORSE on the retake, than they did on the original.

That’s not even humanly possible.

Why do I even bother?

I just… I just… it’s not even… I mean… why do… how come… how can… what the…

See?

No. Words.

Clearly, Ms. Evans needs a time-out.

 

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Please hold while I transfer your call

So, I’m curious…

Those of you who pray… how exactly do you go about praying?

Is it one of those things where you recite verses or prayers memorized from your childhood? (Hail Mary, full of grace…. Glory be to the Father… Bless us, oh Lord….)

Do you read them out of a prayer book?

Or do you do like I do and just start up a conversation?

Growing up protestant, I was taught that I could pray anywhere, anytime, in any way. As long as I prayed in the name of Jesus, I was guaranteed that my “call” would go through.

I’ve never doubted this.

Until I started working at a Catholic school.

I asked one of the Fathers about why they pray to the saints and to Mary.

They explained it to me like this:

Say you’re applying for a job you really want. And say you have a friend there who can put in a good word for you to help you get the job. Well, Mary and the saints serve as those friends who put in a good word for you with God.”

That may have been my response…

I felt like I wasn’t fully grasping the concept, so I pushed further and said, “But… Mary and the saints can’t answer your prayers…”

But it’s okay. I did it with a smile and an eyebrow raise so no one could be offended by my question.

The funny thing was the Father’s response which was to the following effect:

Oh, no. You’re absolutely right. Mary and the saints can’t answer your prayers, only God can do that. And it’s best to always go right to the source. But if you ever feel like you need that… backup… you can pray to them.”

Dude… you just totally contradicted yourself.

I wanted to push further and ask, “Soooo… why do you pray to the saints again?” But I felt like he didn’t really have an effective answer prepared and I didn’t want to embarrass someone so cute, so I just acted like it made perfect sense. Because I’m nice like that.

But it didn’t make any sense to me. I mean… am I missing something? Does that make any sense to you? I don’t get it.

If we, as Christians, worship a mighty God, creator of heaven and earth… why does He need operators (saints and Mary) intercepting His calls just to bring them to His attention later?

“Oh hello, Francine! Yes, this is Saint Lucy. Oh, you’re concerned about your dog going blind? Well, alright dear. Yes, I will get this into the Almighty One right away. Please hold while I transfer your call.”

Seriously, how does that work?

God: “Oh, Susie wants healing for her Mom. Got it. OOH… WAIT… St. Anthony has an incoming call from Franklin looking for his watch. Better return that call first.”

Please don’t misunderstand. I’m really not trying to be flippant or disrespectful. The saints lived amazingly holy lives in service to God… which is AWESOME… but… I just don’t think God needs back-up… or personal assistants… or saints interceding calls for help from those of us here on earth. I just… don’t… see it. He’s God. I think He’s got it covered. I’m just sayin’…

Maybe it’s because I wasn’t raised in the Catholic faith and so this idea is very new and unusual to me. Maybe I’m misunderstanding it completely. Maybe I’m too sinful and close-minded to fully accept the beauty of how God’s kingdom really works.

But maybe… just maybe… God doesn’t need any help.