Is this what my life has come to?

Yesterday I took a picture of things I bought at the store.

Then I took a picture of the food I was making for dinner.

Then I took a picture of Winston because he had taken my spot on the couch.

I then proceeded to send said pictures to my siblings.

Because clearly they would be interested???

Is this what my life has come to?

Taking pictures of my boring life for no reason what-so-ever?

I’m just surprised I didn’t post them to Facebook or Instagram.

Now THAT would have been pathetic.

*sigh*

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S’up, Blogosphere?

S’up, blogosphere? First of all, let me apologize for my extended absence. I mean… seriously, Annie? You never write anymore. Everyone hates you. No one even cares anymore… loser.

Which I’m sure is partially true, but I have missed writing, so I think it’s best if I get back to it, you know?

So, let’s get caught up, shall we?

  • I returned yesterday from a visit with my Sister Who Lives Far Away. It was the first time I had flown since high school and pre 9/11. It was the first time I had flown all by myself. And even though I was a bit nervous, I discovered I LOVE flying. I get to sit there and READ and THINK and STARE OFF INTO SPACE and COLLECT MY THOUGHTS while someone else does all the work of getting me to my destination. It’s BRILLIANT. I never got to fly when I was married to the ass-hat. He was always, “But flying is so boring, you don’t get to see anything…” Which I found totally absurd because who wants to drive 15 to 20 hours to a destination and have to endure the torture of seeing nothing but farm fields through most of the central U.S.? That’s not fun. That’s mind-numbingly boring. So, it turns out, I love to fly. Especially with Delta. They give complimentary snacks… which is awesome. And even getting through security wasn’t that bad. The TSA agents were quite lovely, I have to say.
  • My dyed-in-the-wool protestant family are horrified to discover that I am curious about Catholicism and considering joining the Catholic church. Except, I haven’t admitted that to most of them… you know… because of the “horrified” part. Turns out, I love what I’ve seen about the Catholic church. I don’t know if I’ll actually join or not… but it’s on the agenda of things that need addressing.
  • Father McCutie is still as adorable as ever. The crush has not subsided. However, just so we’re clear, that is NOT why I’m considering joining the Catholic Church. It truly has nothing to do with him… or anyone else. He’s just cute, that’s all.  *sigh*
  • I still have not fully mourned my mother’s passing. I have zero feeling when it comes to that topic… and I don’t know why. It’s not like we had a bad relationship. In fact, it was just the opposite. That woman was my best friend and we were ridiculously close. And yet… nothing. No tears. No sobbing. No depression. It’s weird. My family is falling apart around me and I’m all… fine. I hate myself for that. I know people grieve in different ways, but it’s like after the funeral, I was all done. Who does that? I think I’m broken.
  • I’m still hopelessly in love with this job that pays me diddly-squat. I seriously have never been so happy in a job. It’s actually kind of gross and nauseating. I’m pretty sure people are sick of me talking about my kiddos and my school and my church… but honestly, if I wasn’t talking about that, I’d be talking about Winston and nobody wants to hear about my cat. Who is quite well, by the way. Thank you for asking.

ANNNNDDDD… I think that about covers it. For now. I’ll have more to write once school starts back up. Which I know you’re hopelessly excited about.

Holy crappers this was a boring post. What? It takes a while to get back into the swing of things. Give me a break, blogosphere. Give. Me. A break.

 

Dear Coworkers:

So…

Do you think…

Maybe…

We could just…

You know…

Sort of…

NOT have complete meltdowns over really mind-numbingly STUPID stuff?

I mean…

Really?

I get it. I do. I mean… it’s like… really HARRRRRRRRDDDDDDD n’ stuff to like… walk outside n’ stuff…. when it’s like… really cold n’ stuff.

And like… I totally know that, you know, we like… have kids with us n’ stuff… n’ like they get cold n’ stuff too…

N’ like with this whole El Nino thing going on again, there’s like all this rain and slush n’ stuff… n’ like the kids shoes could get wet n’ stuff, n’ like the bottom of their pants too… And it’s just not fair to hafta come in the back entrance of the auditorium for the Christmas play n’ stuff because… you know… like… weather. You know?

But… you know when my 8 YEAR-OLDS started complaining about it… you know what I told them?

No, no… get this. I told them to…

You know…

DEAL.

I cannot believe I am having the same conversation with grown-ass adults. (If early 20-somethings can be considered grown-ass adults. I prefer to refer to them as overgrown teenagers… But I digress…)

SERIOUSLY?!

I just wasted 15 minutes of my life listening to you WHIIIIINE about having to walk OUTSIDE… FOR FIFTY FEET?!?!

And then you try to hide your diva-like behavior and say it’s “for the kids”… because it’s not good for them to “be cold.”???

For 30 seconds?!

Hang on… let me check…

Uh, yeah… pretty sure they’ll live.

I just can’t even deal with that level of stupidity. You have nothing better to complain about so you need to complain about that?!

Oh, Lordy, we MUST alert the church elders!

And the authorities!

And OSHA!

Because… COLD.

Just… go away… before I punch you in the face.

THEN you’ll have something to complain about.

Love n’ kisses,

-Annie

Catholicism is hard, you guys.

So, being a protestant and working in a Catholic School can be a challenge. There are still a lot of things I don’t understand. Like the holy water, the genuflecting, the bowing, the transubstantiation… the list could go on. The thing is, I totally love, respect and admire all these things (Like, genuinely. I think going to Sunday mass is the coolest thing ever. It’s pretty much the highlight of my weekends. It’s the most reverent and respectful way of worshiping God and I love it.) but I’m confused by all the “How Tos”.

For instance, the tabernacle is in front of the church, so we genuflect before taking our seats. However, we also genuflect in the side aisles when the tabernacle is not in front of us… so what are we genuflecting at? The tabernacle? Because if that’s the case, why not just go up the center aisle and do it the right way?

And before stepping onto the altar, one bows. And any time one passes in front of the altar, one bows. And honestly, when one is setting up for mass, there’s a whole lot of bowing going on. But before the priests step foot on the altar they genuflect… so… why? Because of the tabernacle? I guess that would make sense. I guess I just answered my own question so… nevermind.

And the holy water font. I never use it. My kiddos do, but I’m kind of like… “But I’m a protestant. Does it still work on protestants?” I kid, I kid. But I’m so not familiar with that ritual, that I feel weird doing it. But if I don’t use it, am I not setting a good example for my kiddos? And if I do use it, and people know I’m not a Catholic, will they be all…

Man, they just let anyone use the holy water these days…

Who knows. I don’t know. Nobody knows.

And the shame… oh the SHAAAAAAAME of not being able to receive communion. I swear everyone is watching. And everyone is judging. And everyone is wondering, “What the heck kind of sin do you have to commit to be prevented from taking communion?! And why the heck are you teaching our children?!” And I’m pretty sure everyone is all…

They just let anyone into mass now…

And I’m all…

I mean, it’s basically like trying to fit in in a foreign country. I try to pretend like I know what I’m doing, but I’m pretty sure everyone is onto me.

So, you can imagine my chagrin and horror when one of my kiddos – one of my precious gifts from God – decided to do the unthinkable in mass. While she was receiving the Eucharist. Not anyone else’s kiddo. THE PROTESTANT TEACHER’S KIDDO.

She stuck out her tongue.

With the wafer on it.

Not once.

Not twice.

But THREE TIMES.

Of course, I didn’t see it, because she was behind me, but a few old ladies came hobbling up that center aisle really quick after mass to let me know of the unpardonable sin my child had committed.

So, when they told me, the part of me who is trying to learn and embrace the Catholic ways was all…

Um… WHAT.

But the Protestant part of me who still rules much of my rational mind was all…

She’s eight…

And then when they said to me, “Can you IMAGINE if it had fallen on the FLOOR?!?!” again, my protestant brain was all…

“Um… I don’t know… God’s grace would still have abounded to the silly shenanigans of an 8 year old hoodlum? OR… she would have been smote. One or the other.”

I’m not trying to downplay what she did. It was inexcusable. She KNOWS that when we receive communion we are receiving Jesus’ actual body into our own. You don’t play around with that stuff. And yet… I don’t know… could we just… you know… chill out?

So, here, both sides of my brain are duking it out and I’m not sure what to think but I know I need to put the fear of God into little Miss Sassy Pants and read her the riot act, but I no sooner get done bringing her to tears when the 3 little old ladies hobble up to BOTH priests to… I don’t know… tell on an eight year old?!

And I’m thinking, “Aw, crap. There goes the best job I’ve ever had.” And then the rest of the day I’m looking over my shoulder, fairly certain that one of the Fathers is going to jump out when I least expect it and give me the talking to of MY life. But… no.

So, when I get home, I send an e-mail apologizing profusely for the sacrilege and profanity brought about by this eight year old darling and literally… the response I get… is this:

So, I’m all…

And then they’re all, “Well, it’s a big deal, but it’s not a big deal so… we’ll get to the bottom of it.”

Which, I’m pretty sure is priest-speak for blowing someone off.

So, even though I’m relieved, I’m also so confused.

Catholicism is hard, you guys.

 

 

Is this thing on?

Holy.

Crappers.

It’s been so long since I’ve written on here, that I couldn’t remember my log-in or password.

Worse yet, I couldn’t actually remember the name of my blog.

That’s shameful. And pathetic. And for that I am truly, truly sorry.

It’s just that…

LIFE.

All of a sudden it reared it’s ridiculously beautiful head and I was off and running and haven’t had a chance to catch my breath.

Because now there are new questions and challenges of love and faith and truth… and it’s all been so entirely captivating that I haven’t needed to write about it because it was enough to just revel in it.

I know. None of that makes any sense. But to me? It makes perfect sense. And that sense makes everything so much more beautiful and lovely and now… now? Every day is a new chance to find out something NEW… to be inspired… to be grown and stretched and challenged.

And yes, this is all bordering on gag-worthy schmaltz, but… it’s just… been magical unicorns and dancing butterflies for the past three months.

Even with every hardship and heartbreak and ugly situation… God has been in the lead… and He’s leading me in ways I never imagined. And that’s the most exciting, thrilling, challenging thing of all. Leaving all control with Him who knows it all.