Guess what, guys? I actually have headlines to work with this week. Actual. Headlines. Ones that made me go “Hmm…”. How exciting is that?!
So, let’s just jump right in, shall we?
- This revelation came out yesterday…. As though it’s actual “news” somehow. And you just can’t help but feel badly for her. I mean, she was SIX. She’s now 89. Her uncle was clearly a whack-a-doodle. Just give her a break, people. Geeze…
- The Donald said this the other day… And you can’t help but feel badly for everyone ever associated with the dude. I mean… seriously? SERIOUSLY?! This is how you plan on winning the Republican nomination? How’s that working out for you? You dumbass. Where were you during the Vietnam war? Living off Daddy’s trust fund applying for deferments? You dumbass…
- This also happened the other day, which pretty much makes my entire month.
- This happened this week. I personally think we should save everyone a boat load of time, money and resources and just give Iran a couple of our nuclear bombs. I mean, that’s the end result we’re all working towards, isn’t it? …. Oh, it’s not? ….. Well, I’ll be darned. Who knew?!
- Amazon Prime Day was this past Wednesday. And it was a big, fat, failury (No, it’s not a real word, but I just made it one. Because that’s how I roll.) failure. I mean, don’t get me wrong: Waitlists are the bomb, but I didn’t sign up to be a Prime member to sit on a waiting list. C’mon, Amazon. Get it together.
- That amazing bruise that was supposed to show up on my foot after dropping a picture on it didn’t pan out like I had hoped. The goose egg is gone, and all that remains is a slight grayish spot where this horrific, ghastly, abominable bruise should have been. Alas, it was not meant to be. And now I am sad.
- In Annie-related news, I finally found myself that ever-elusive apartment. Did I fill you guys in on the apartment hunt from hell? I didn’t? Well, that will be a story for another time… because it was this whole… thing. But glory be, I finally found myself a place and shall be moving forthwith. Well, not exactly forthwith.. more like a fortnight. But it’s happening, peeps. It. Is. Happening.
Alrighty, Aphrodite… that’s all I have for this week. Over n’ out, good buddies.