Things That Made Me Go, “Hmm…” – Week 33

So, last week I skipped my regularly scheduled post because I was busy whining and wallowing in self-pity. But now that I’m back to being awesome, here’s what made me go, “Hmm…” these past two weeks.

  • Last week I saw a squirrel walking across the street. A squirrel. Walking. It may as well have been Jesus walking on water because that’s how surreal this whole experience was. Have you ever seen a squirrel walk? It’s pretty much the most bizarre thing you will ever witness. Don’t believe me? Next time you see a squirrel, watch how it moves. It’s either running, or hopping, or scampering. It is never, ever, EVER walking. As in putting one foot in front of the other, taking it’s time and just strolling along. I can’t even describe to you how disturbing the whole event was. Why? BECAUSE SQUIRRELS DON’T WALK, IDIOTS.

Duh.

Oh… Dear GAWD.

YAY!

  • This popped up in my Facebook news feed this week:

Why yes, as a matter of fact they are singing about potato salad… And just when you think it couldn’t get any weirder… it totally does.

  • And then there was this…

Which leaves me with so many questions right around the 38 second mark. Because… why? And… how? And… really?

Alrighty, kiddos. I’m pretty sure that’s all I have for this week’s installment. Tune in next week for… well, I don’t know what, but I will. So, tune in and find out. Geeze, is that too much to ask?

Over n’ out, good buddies.

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Just thinking aloud here…

  • Why do cell phone companies still offer a voice mail option? Who actually takes the time to listen to their voice mail? I’ve literally left voice messages in my inbox for weeks at a time because I’m too lazy to listen to them. Instead I just text the person to find out what they want. I mean, now they actually transcribe the messages (not very well, but it’s the thought that counts I suppose) so we can simply read the messages because apparently it’s too much work and takes too much time to just listen to the dang messages. This is how lazy we’ve become. As a society, we are doomed.
  • I have an irrational fear of talking to people on the phone. Anytime I have to call someone I don’t know, I silently pray they won’t pick up so I can just leave a message. I’ve been having to do this whole “cold calling” thing a lot lately and I’ve just about given myself an ulcer. Talking on the phone is hard, you guys.
  • How awesome is Alfred Hitchcock? SO AWESOME. Anyone who doesn’t appreciate Alfred Hitchcock cannot be my friend.
  • I gotta admit, I’m not a big fan of this whole “uprooting my life and moving somewhere else all by my lonesome” thing. In fact, I kind of hate it. And if I’m being perfectly honest, I’d rather curl up in the fetal position and cry about it than actually make it happen. *sigh* Change is hard too, you guys.
  • I feel like I’m wasting my summer planning for the fall. Where’s the fun in that? I have yet to do one fun thing this summer. And honestly, with all this “planning for the fall” crap, I don’t foresee any fun in the near future. Planning is also hard, you guys.

Okay. I’m done whining now. I’m sure I’ll have more to whine about later. That’ll be fun, huh? You know it…

In this latest turn of events…

In this latest turn of events…

I am now the official 3rd grade teacher at a very small Catholic school in a nearby town. I’m not even sure how it happened. The day I got my rejection letter (the Monday before this last one), I applied for a job there. On Tuesday they called me in for an interview. I interviewed on Friday. They offered me the job on Monday. I accepted yesterday.

WHAT.

So, NOW they are working on finding me a place to live (because they’re awesome and they like to help). and I’m trying to figure out how to transplant myself. I’ve never had to do this by myself before. I’ve never had to live by myself before. To say I am terrified is an understatement…

I am also very, very lame.

Also, I LOVE this school. I instantly fell in love with it the minute I walked through the doors. The staff is AMAZING. The school is AMAZING. There are less than 200 kids there! One class for every grade! 17 kids in my class! AND THEY ONLY DO ONE STANDARDIZED TEST A YEAR.

WHAT.

I was so THRILLED when they offered it to me because it is a PERFECT fit, and the first job I’ve actually been THRILLED to bits about…

And then they told me the salary and I realized I would be living in abject poverty.

You think I’m kidding. I’m totally not. This is like poverty level we’re talking about kids. It’s half of what I’d be making at a public school. No lie. But after doing the math, I can squeak by every month with like… 50 cents to spare so… why the hell not?

So, tell me if you think I’m crazy. Or don’t. Because I’m already terrified. But excited. And also terrified.

What’s new with you?

 

We interrupt your regularly scheduled program to bring you the following announcement…

Things That Made Me Go, “Hmm…” – Week 33 will be postponed until further notice due to Penis Appreciation Day (aka Father’s Day).

Due to the extreme amount of Father’s Day posts, pictures, tweets and headlines celebrating the magnificence that is fatherhood, there are very few “Hmm…” inducing moments on which to comment. Furthermore, this blogger has no desire to post on a holiday that serves as a nagging reminder of what she no longer has and as of yet, has been unable to bestow upon any upstanding, virile man.

Instead we bring you the following gifs:

 

Iced Vanilla Lattes and Blueberry Mini Scones

You guys…

Can we just pause a moment and talk about the phenomenal Iced Vanilla Latte and Blueberry Mini Scone I just finished?

Because… those two things pretty much made my Saturday. (Thus, the reason I capitalized their names.) Pretty much the only thing better might be an Iced Mocha and White Chocolate Raspberry Mini Scone.

I’ve been on an “Iced Coffee-Type Drink Thingy and Scone” kick for quite some time. Funny, because I always thought I hated scones, and then one day that’s all they had left in the case at the coffee shop and I hadn’t had breakfast so I figured, “What the heck…” And then I had one and my life pretty much changed forever.

True story.

But now both those phenomenal food items are gone… because I ate them… and now my life is just a little bit sadder and the day a little bit grayer.

images

On the upside, I have another Jon Verdon book to keep me company on this rainy day and a copy of “On the Beach” waiting to be picked up at the library. So, I shan’t be sad for too long. (Has anyone read “On the Beach”? By Nevil Shute? I read it in high school. It’s phenomenal. You should totally read it. Because I said so. What, like you need another reason? Puh-lease.)

In other news, my interview yesterday went amazingly well. I pretty much fell in love with the school and the people I met there. But I’m trying not to get my hopes up. So, every time I start to fantasize about how much I would love to work there, I remind myself that even if they DO want me, the pay might be so minimal that I would have to save up for all those Iced Vanilla Lattes and Blueberry Mini Scones I love so much. And then I come crashing back down to reality. Oddly enough, it seems to be working…

In other-other news, Winston has claimed my desk chair as his “New Favorite Sleeping Spot”. Which means, the minute I vacate the chair, he has taken my place. It would be cute if he didn’t leave his fur all over everything all the time… so much fur that I could easily make sweaters for at least 79% of the world’s population. (You think I’m kidding, but I’m totally not…) And then the second I sit back down my butt gets coated with all this cat fur, and then I go to the coffee shop and can’t figure out why everyone is suddenly staring at my furry butt. *sigh* Pet ownership is hard, you guys…

My point? Ha! That’s a good one… you guys crack me up.

Later, gators.

A few important announcements, that aren’t really all that important, if we’re being honest with ourselves.

Here are a few important announcements… or not:

  • 1st of all… and this is probably the most important part of this post… I FINALLY got around to updating my blog list. Yeah. For reals. I added like… 8 new blogs and everything. So, you should go check out the new updated list… and then squeal with delight when you find your blog on that list. Also… there’s a possibility, that I follow you, but you are not on that list. If this is the case… LET ME KNOW. Seriously. I try to keep up with the list, but sometimes a few blogs fall through the cracks and I neglect to put them up on the list. So, I apologize for that and you should totally let me know how stupid I am for allowing that to happen.
  • 2nd of all… I just found out that the job I totally missed out on was given to the 2 student teachers that had student-taught at the school this year. Unless it’s because of budget constraints, there is ZERO excuse for passing up my awesomeness for a couple of student teachers. NONE. Not that I’m bitter or anything…
  • Thirdly, I looked up how much private school teachers make a year. And then I died. And had to be resuscitated. It was not pretty, my friends. I merely looked because I’m interviewing at a private school. Apparently, if you teach at a private school, you also take a vow of poverty. And then die soon thereafter because you cannot afford to feed yourself. *sigh* Could I please just catch a break here?
  • Fourthly… yeah, there isn’t a fourth thing. But I like how you hung in there with me, waiting for the big reveal of the fourth thing. You’re a good friend. So, thanks for that.

Later, peeps.

Onward and Upward, I Say

First of all, let me apologize for the previous outburst.

I was just so…

…at the time, and I had to let it out.

I’m better now. I promise.

Turns out that job I really, really, REALLY wanted?

I didn’t get it.

There may have been a lot of ugly-crying that took place afterwards.

Like this. Only uglier.

I just couldn’t… even. I was SO SURE I was going to get the job. Everyone I knew was SO SURE I was going to get the job. (I guess that’s what you get for being cocky??? Who knows…) I mean, I thought I was the perfect fit. A former substitute, a former graduate, the kids LOVE me, I’m freakin’ awesome… I mean… WHAT THE HELL?!

But they were all like, “Mm-kay, thanks. But, no.” Which of course was devastating because I had been banking on this job. I was all ready to start school shopping. I was ready to find a place of my own. This was it. FINALLY.

Alas, it wasn’t meant to be. And at first I was like, “REALLY, GOD? REALLY?! You can’t even give me a break this time around? I mean… haven’t the past few years sucked ENOUGH?! Now you have to reinforce the suckage?! I mean… C’MON! I’m a good person! I love Jesus! I don’t deserve this!” (Thus the reason for all the ugly-crying…)

And then, after a good five hours of ugly-crying, wallowing in self-pity, and total indignation… I decided to go back to being awesome.

So, I sat down and started applying for jobs again. And as soon as I did, I got a call-back from another school asking me to come in for an interview.

Which is fantastic. However, the mere suggestion that I might consider a job out of town has thrown my mother into a hardcore depression because she can’t figure out how she’s going to survive if I move away. (As though, I was going to live here forever???) Things may have gotten a little co-dependent this past year… And now I feel like I’m responsible for her happiness in addition to trying to get my own life back on track. Honestly? I kind of want to slap her… because this isn’t about her. And I know that. I just wish she would have gotten the memo. Good grief…

ANYWAY… I just have to keep moving forward. Because it’s what I do. You can’t keep me down. Sometimes, I wish I were more like these people who can curl up in the fetal position and shut down for weeks at a time… because then at least I’d get some sympathy. But instead, I’m just the opposite. I get hit, and I get back up. I figure it out. I charge ahead. And since everyone is familiar with my method of operation… I get very little sympathy from my friends and family. Stupid jerks. Sometimes, I wish someone would just stroke my hair, tell me I’m pretty, and throw chocolate at me while I wallow in self-pity. It would make things a lot easier.

But, that’s not how I roll. SO… onward and upward, I say. I’ll keep you posted.