Like a record, baby. Right round, round, round.

Right now, I should be in a second grade classroom trying to get those hooligans to put away their math workbooks quietly, and then quietly clean up their space so they can get ready for recess.

But I’m not.

Instead, I’m here. Sitting at my computer. Writing to you guys.

Why?

Because… Vertigo.

It started at 3:00 am. I was woken up by something (probably my stupid cat), and greeted by a spinning room.

Spinning. Like a record, baby. Right round round round.

“NOOOOoooooooo!” I thought to myself. “I have to work in the morning! Go away, vertigo! Go away. Go away. Go awayyyyy…..”

And then I fell asleep.

When my alarm went off 3 hours later…

Spinning. Room.

I wasn’t even sitting up yet.

I closed my eyes again.

Room still spinning. Only not visually… just in my head. My head was spinning.

I closed my eyes tightly and rubbed them. Then opened them.

Room. Still. Spinning.

I sat up.

The spinning continued. Like I was ready to pin the tail on the donkey, but no one had spun me.

Do you know how annoying it is when you are unable to get your eyes to focus because the room is spinning?!

The spinning finally stopped and I stood up. The room had righted itself, but the floating, spinning feeling remained.

Crap. How am I supposed to teach a bunch of hyperactive, emotionally immature 2nd graders when I can’t even keep my balance?

So, I made the dreaded phone call. To the school. Apologizing profusely. But I couldn’t come in when I couldn’t even see straight. I didn’t want to fall and crush any 2nd graders. I normally wouldn’t cancel the day OF. I’m sorry I suck. I hope you can find a replacement. I have to go now. Room spinning again.

I’m sure they hated me. What kind of substitute teacher calls in an hour and a half before school to CANCEL? Me. Little Miss Bobble Head.

Crap.

I went back to bed and when I woke up the second time the spinning continued. Then it stopped. Then the floaty feeling started. Now any time the position of my head changes, the floating kicks in. And I really don’t want to lie down because that’s how the spinning starts.

I have a hair appointment at 4:30. I cannot miss it. I already had to reschedule once, and my hair is in desperate need of a trim. I’m just wondering how I’ll deal with having my hair washed. Oy.

Am I dying? I think I’m fine. I have no other symptoms. But I dare not look too much into WebMD for certainty that I will diagnose myself with Ebola.

I think it’s stress-related. I’m the kind of person who bottles everything up and sucks up all the anxiety and worries she can, and then holds onto it until she explodes 6 months later in a flurry of tears and obscenities. (It’s pretty impressive, actually. You should come watch the show sometime…) But until then, my stress and anxiety seeps out and manifests itself in weird ways. Like spinning rooms.

*sigh*

I just hope I’m not dying.

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