Meeting Grizzly Adams

I met Grizzly Adams today.

At church.

On Palm Sunday.

He smelled.

Being the only female under the age of 70 without a small child attached to her ankle, he naturally made a beeline for me. I don’t think he realized I was almost 10 years older than he was, but then again, who could possibly tell that based on my flawless complexion and hot body? (Okay, that last part was totally for my benefit. The rest of you can disregard that. I’m working on developing a healthy self image, so occasionally I give myself pep talks to make up for the fact that my husband left me for a much less attractive mother of three. See? I told you that pep talk was necessary. ANYhoodles…)

Grizzly lives in the woods without electricity. I’m guessing there’s a lack of running water where he lives too. And maybe a mirror. There’s definitely not a beard trimmer nearby, so there’s probably a lack of scissors too. I don’t think he has a brush… or a comb. And soap might be a scarcity. Actually, I’m just going to go out on a limb and guess that Grizzly lives in a tent. With a backpack. In which he carries all of his belongings. Which are very few.

Most people would have guessed Grizzly was homeless. This is not the case. Actually… it probably is, but you see, when you live where I live, people consciously choose to live in tents without electricity and running water in order to become one with nature. Grizzly is probably just one of many, MANY Grizzlies (the people, not the bears) who live in the forest around town. It’s what people do here. Is it totally weird? Yes, yes it is. Is it pretty commonplace? Yes, yes it is.

Anyway, so Grizzly was pretty much homeless. By choice. He told me he spent his days practicing Tai Chi for 2 or 3 hours, and the rest of the time enjoying nature. He talked a lot about hunting, but based on the platefuls of food he was devouring, I couldn’t tell if he killed and ate his critter-like friends or just “communed” with them. He ate dried jalepeno peppers on a daily basis, mainly for the purpose of inflicting pain on himself. He found that the more pain he endured, the more connected to nature he felt… and he felt less hungry. (Honestly, I think he tried eating one of the palm leaves when no one was looking. Either that, or he was just enjoying the smell. Or he was using it to comb his beard. Who could tell?) I would have felt bad for him if I knew it wasn’t of his own choosing. He was choosing to practice his Tai Chi rather than work since work would take him away from his Tai Chi. I got the distinct feeling he wanted to be discovered as the next great survivalist… or at least be a contestant on “Naked and Afraid”. Either way, you couldn’t feel too badly for the guy. He had a cell phone on which he watched Tai Chi videos on YouTube.

So, that’s how my Palm Sunday was. How was yours? Meet any new and interesting people? Or do these kinds of things only happen to me?


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