Help me, Help you.

I know you all have been sitting on the edge of your seats, waiting with bated breath for me to regale you with tales of 1st grade pandemonium. (Quick, how many cliches can Annie squeeze into one sentence?) Well, wait no more dear readers… I am here and regale you I will.

First, the good news: Two of the biggest trouble makers most challenging students were absent today. ABSENT. I may have grinned a bit more widely than I should have upon receiving that news.

The bad news: It was Friday. And despite the fact that they are now in the 3rd quarter, most of the students still have yet to reach the emotional maturity of a 1st grader.

Which makes my life… really, really hard.

It’s not that I’m not a patient teacher… I am. I really, really am. It’s just that… you’re not helping the situation. NO ONE IS HELPING THE SITUATION. Please. For the love of GOD, help me, help you.

First off, crying and wailing about perceived slights from other students 5 times a day actually isn’t overkill (contrary to popular belief). Don’t let other people fool you. You clearly have an issue. And the teacher needs to know about it.. immediately. The teacher is required to comfort / coddle / cater to your needs regardless of the fact that 15 other students in the classroom are also trying to learn. So, by all means, continue to cry and wail and scream until you get your way. It’s quite effective and a very useful means of communication. Words? Who needs words when you can scream at the top of your lungs in the hallway disrupting every classroom in the vicinity? Well played, student. Well played.

Additionally, sticking your nose in every other student’s business is going to earn you major points from the substitute teacher who clearly has no idea what is happening in the classroom. So, please, continue to watch like hawks what everyone else is doing, and be not concerned with your own work. That way, when Molly drops a piece of paper on the floor and doesn’t pick it up immediately, 5 of you can run screaming to the teacher, and 7 of you can scream at Molly for being an idiot. Seriously. Gold stars for everyone for being so super helpful!

Also, if you could continue screaming at the substitute teacher and correcting her every time she does something slightly differently than your classroom teacher… that would be amazing. It’s so nice to know that you guys are on top of things and will not let anything slide despite repeated reminders that you need not tell the teacher what to do. I mean… I’ll be honest… there’s pretty much nothing else subs love more than that. Like… nothing. You guys are rock stars. It’s so nice to know you are on top of things.

And lastly, I so appreciate your concern for your classmates. The fact that the teacher can’t deal with any single issue without the entire classroom getting involved is just… Well, it’s a beautiful thing, really. If someone is crying because a miniscule patch of skin on their pinky finger is dry, it’s so nice to know that you are willing to clamber out of your own seats in the middle of the math lesson to hug / show concern / ask what’s wrong / offer to go to the nurse’s office with that student. Seriously. At that point, it’s not even about classroom procedure and the direct instruction to “stay in your seats”. You guys recognize a medical emergency when you see one, and for that, I am eternally grateful.

Soooo…. all in all? Yet another amazing day with my first graders. Like… jump on a couch and gush to Oprah amazing. I don’t know what I was talking about. Now that I think about it… this day couldn’t have gone better.

Thanks, 1st graders. You’re all just the best.

Gif Sources: www.reddit.com, jenna-maroney.tumblr.com, ipooprainbowsandbutterflies.tumblr.com, www.globaltv.com, swansondonaghypowers.tumblr.com
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