5 Things You Need to Know

  • First of all, what is the deal with Word Press’s new posting page? Why is the title all the way at the top and the post area way at the bottom? Do I need to adjust my screen? Is there something wrong with my browser? Did they do this on purpose? If so, WHY? It looks stupid. Plus, it’s confusing. I don’t understand. I also don’t like change. This is going to take me a good two weeks to get over. Thanks, Obama.
  • Secondly, why can’t I stop acting like a girl? Seriously. It’s becoming a problem, peeps. Yesterday, I went for a walk in my wellies, right? (Just to clarify, it was not raining yesterday. It was beautiful and sunny and warm. However, considering the fact that 3 feet of snow are still in the process of melting, there has been an overabundance of mud, slush and puddles, making walking both hazardous and messy. Thus, the need for wellies.) Anyway, because I am SUCH A GIRL, I find myself coming across 10 inch deep puddles, (That’s only a slight exaggeration. You can’t make this stuff up.) and mentally calculating how to strategically get around them without walking in the muddy goo to my left or climbing over the snow pile to my right. And it became this weird girly dance of splayed arms and jazz hands as I tried to jump from one relatively dry patch to the next just to avoid the puddle. Not once did it occur to me that I could WALK THROUGH THE PUDDLE. Heck, I could have gone all Gene Kelly on its ass:

But because I’m SUCH A GIRL, I’m all, “Ooh! Must not get muddy! Must avoid all the mud! Must avoid all the water! Must stay dry and prim and proper. We mustn’t mess our pinafores!” Ugh… I so annoy myself sometimes. There’s a reason they MAKE rubber boots, Annie. USE THEM. Even I can’t hide the disdain for myself…

  • Thirdly, are people bothered and/or offended by my use of the word “wellies”? Is the term “wellies” only used by Brits? Are Americans only allowed to use the terms “rubber boots”, “rain boots”, or “galoshes”? Galoshes aren’t even the same thing as wellies, are they? Galoshes are more like… overshoes, right? Wellies are like… boots. So, I guess galoshes wouldn’t work, but what about rain boots? Do people silently judge me for using the term “wellies”? Do they find me uppity for using the word “wellies”? Do they think I’m trying to be British? Did I just inadvertently offend a ton of readers simply for using the word, “wellies”? “Wellies” is just much more fun to say… especially when you put a little cockney spin on it. I mean… what’s not to like? It’s a GREAT WORD. Whatever. You keep judging. I’m going to keep saying “wellies”… (and then silently berating myself for unintentionally seeming uppity.)
  • Fourthly, can we just talk about how adorably funny 4th graders are? They’re hilarious. Like yesterday, when I gave them a timed-test on their multiplication tables, (they were practicing the nines) and went over the answers with them, a bunch of hands went up in the air and they all had the same concern.

“But you didn’t check our answers,” they said.

“Yes, I did.” I said.

“No, you didn’t,” they said. “How do you know they’re right?” they said. 

To which I responded with a blank stare, not quite understanding the question.

“Because… I was listening to the answers Skipper gave and they were all correct…”

“But how do you know that? You didn’t check them!”

“Because I’m a teacher… and if I didn’t know my multiplication tables, then I shouldn’t be teaching…”

“So, you just… know the answers?”

“Yes. I just know the answers.”

“Whoa. You’re like… really smart. Where did you go to college?”

As though I’m in the running for Mensa because I know my multiplication tables. I seriously adore kids. They’re so awesome.

  • And finally… I really need to get my car in for an oil change and so they can figure out why my “blower”… (What do you call that thing? A fan? My AC? My heater? I DON’T KNOW. The thing that blows the air around in your car. Yeah. That thing.) won’t blow unless it’s turned up to 3 or higher. But, I’m totally avoiding it because…
    • a.) How do you explain that to a mechanic without sounding like a total moron when you don’t know the correct terminology?
    • b.) I hate calling them on the phone because not only am I afraid of using the phone, but I’m also afraid of them not understanding me and me not understanding them and it all turns into this big awkward conversation after which I have to bring the car into the shop so they can see the face of the idiot girl they were talking to on the phone. OH GAWD. I sometimes seriously hate life. It is so freakin’ awkward…

Anyone want to make that phone call for me? Like… a guy? Who they’ll take more seriously… because… you’re part of the same club n’ stuff?

*sigh* Life is hard.

So… anyhoodles… that’s what’s new with me. I’m going to go make an awkward phone call now. Wish me luck.

Gif Sources: haroldlloyds.tumblr.com, www.reactiongifs.com, 
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