The Trials and Tribulations of a Substitute Teacher

So, last night, at 2:46 AM, my phone started making noise. Typically, when my phone starts making noise in the wee hours of the morning, I roll over, grab my phone and click the “ACCEPT” button. Because, you see, when my phone starts making noise during the wee hours, it’s due to the fact that my handy-dandy “Sub Assistant” app has stumbled across a subbing job and is notifying me of it.

However, last night, instead of rolling over, grabbing my phone and clicking “ACCEPT”, I jumped out of bed, stumbled to the light switch, turned on the light and tried desperately to figure out where I was, what I was doing out of bed, why my phone was making noise and and what those red numbers on clock actually meant. By the time the fog lifted (a full minute and a half later), and I was finally able to process the fact that another job had come in, I lunged at my phone and clicked the “ACCEPT” button.

Too. Late.

“I’m sorry, but that job has already been accepted.”

Um… WHAT?

The time on my phone read 2:48. I checked the time of the notification. 2:46. I stared at my phone mentally screaming obscenities, and trying to understand what had just happened.

“Are you seriously going to sit here and tell me that in two minutes, during the wee hours of the morning, when NO ONE is even awake, that this job has already been accepted?!”

There was no way.

I clicked the “ACCEPT” button again.

“I’m sorry, but that job has already been accepted.”

“UNACCEPTABLE.”

I clicked the “ACCEPT” button again.

“I’m sorry, but…”

“OH… DO NOT EVEN. You are NOT sorry. Shut up with your apologies and give me the FREAKIN’ JOB!”

I clicked the “ACCEPT” button one last time.

“I’m sor-”

At this point, an expensive, recently purchased phone may have been hurled across the room. But I can’t be sure. The sleep fog was still lingering.

In the two minutes it took me to hit the freakin’ “ACCEPT” button the job had already been claimed by someone else?!

ARE YOU FREAKIN’ KIDDING ME WITH THIS?!?!

I haven’t had a subbing job in two weeks. TWO WEEKS, PEOPLE.

(Okay, if I’m being perfectly honest… some of that may have been my fault. I technically “could have” jumped immediately on the Kindergarten openings I saw last week rather than waiting a full 15 minutes hoping someone else would take them because the thought of trying to get 5 and 6-year-olds dressed and ready for recess strikes fear into my very core. Hey, unless you’ve been assigned the task of getting boots, snow pants, hats, mittens and coats with tricky zippers unto some 20 or so squirming, sticky kindergarteners… DO NOT JUDGE.)

And now, apparently, as penance for not accepting the kindergarten openings, I am forced to go without work for 2 FREAKIN’ WEEKS.

Stupid jerks.

Also, on a totally unrelated topic… I am now accepting monetary donations to get me through the winter.

*Gif found at tumblr.com.

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