And then there are those days when you notice a dip in the number of people who follow your blog or your Twitter account, and your brain goes into overdrive, and you spend the next five hours trying to figure out what you did wrong and who you offended to incur the un-following of faithful readers.
Or is that just me?
Be honest… you guys have done this too, right? You notice a slight dip in your numbers and you’re all like…
Because you don’t know what you did wrong to incur the wrath of your readers. And even though numbers are bound to fluctuate you still torture yourself and run through the list of possible offendees: (I know that’s not a word… shut it.)
- Mormons? Oh my gosh… do the Mormons hate me? Because of what I said about old white guys in the church? Oh my goodness… I LOVE the Mormons. Was someone offended by that? I HAVE TO FIX THIS!
- Catholics? Because of what I implied about old white guys in the church? I LOVE the Catholics! Who doesn’t love a good Catholic?
- Communists? Because I called them unpatriotic? Because I suggested they don’t like coffee? Because I questioned their allegiance to Taylor Swift? Because I referred to them as “Commies”? I was just kidding! Red is like… my favorite color!
- People who LARP and play in costume? I’m sorry. I’m sure you are awesome. I was just teasing. I’m sure you’re perfectly datable. Are you mad at me?
- Christian fiction writers? What? You guys tell a great yarn.. Really. I’m sorry.
- People who drink diet sodas, get messages and go to bed early? You just described most of my friends… They might bug the crap out of me but that doesn’t mean I don’t love them. I embrace all lifestyles. Seriously… are you mad?
- People who enjoy playing with needles? I’m sorry! You’re probably really cool! Seriously, you could probably make me an afghan… which would be sweet… and way more cool than anything I could do. I love you?
- People that don’t drink coffee? Okay, seriously, that was NOT a jab at the Mormons. More like non-Mormons who don’t drink coffee because they don’t have an excuse. Unless you’re a Mormon, or pregnant… or a pregnant Mormon, you should be drinking coffee. I’m just sayin’… but I’m sure you’re still really cool. We should hang out.
- People who don’t like Taylor Swift and are picky eaters? Okay, I’m not apologizing to you. You just annoy the crap out of me. Sorry, dude.
- Muslim Jihadists? Yeah, I’m not apologizing to you either. You’re just mean… and crazy.
I never go out of my way to purposely offend someone. (The fact that I am this concerned about this means I need some serious therapy…) Chances are, I didn’t offend anyone, but I like to cover my bases. You know, just in case. I realize there is just no way you can have a blog and not offend someone. People are always going to be offended. I need to just write what I write and calm down. Screw you if you’re easily offended. (I’m just kidding. I didn’t mean that. I love you?) See? It’s like a compulsion. I seriously need to work on this people-pleasing crap. It’s exhausting.