New Year’s Resolutions are Dumb… But Here are Mine.

Let’s face it… New Year’s resolutions never work. And when they do, it’s usually just a fluke. A plethora of articles have been written about it. Scientists have probably studied it. Money has most certainly been thrown at it to figure out why this is the case. Regardless, I’ll bet if did a Google search with the query “Do New Year’s Resolutions Work?” you’d probably have a big, fat “NO” pop up on your screen. Scratch that. You’d probably have a ton of results pop up explaining exactly why New Year’s resolutions don’t work.

I’ve never been big on making New year’s resolutions. I mean, sure… a few weeks in and I usually jump on the “I’m going to get in shape this year!” bandwagon, but don’t actually do anything about it until late May when swimsuit season is just around the corner, and even then I’m prone to not following through. (Seriously, food and sleep are just too good to give up.)

Occasionally, I’ve made big plans to “get organized” or “do something I’ve never done before”, but again, usually life gets in the way of those grand plans and I end up getting too comfortable and giving up. I’m not a great “follow through” kind of girl. I mean, if someone is expecting something out of me, I’ll probably do it… like graduate high school and college and find a job. But otherwise, if it’s solely up to me? Mer. I guess I don’t care that much. Does that make me lazy? Yes, yes it probably does.

New year’s resolutions are just dumb. If you want to change something in your life, you can do it at any time, not just the new year. Plus, a lot of us give half-assed resolutions we haven’t really thought through and don’t really mean. How are those supposed to work when our hearts just aren’t in it? Additionally, the majority of us just don’t have the will power to overcome the obstacles and early failures that may occur in our quest to better ourselves. We’re all about instant gratification… why are we expected to work on things we can’t get immediate results in? Puh-lease. Besides, even if we do really mean it, even if it’s something we want enough, even if we’re willing to put the work into it and overcome the obstacles that get in our way… sometimes life just happens and it’s easier to curl up on the couch with a pint of rocky road and a decent Lifetime movie than it is to fight it. Am I right?

However, that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try. Or… at least pretend to try. Or maybe just start with something little and build up to the big things?

For instance, I’ve decided that I’m going to start with little things that I want to accomplish that will be easy to achieve which will then build up my confidence and give me the “stick with-it-ness” to pursue the harder things? Make sense? So, I thought I’d start with the following:

  • Make use of my Amazon Prime Instant Video Streaming perk. I have no idea why I need instant video streaming or how it’s going to better my life, but if Amazon took the time to send me a letter through the POSTAL SERVICE to tell me about it, it must be pretty important. I kind of hate watching videos, but hey… it’s a perk. So I better take advantage of it. Maybe I can find “Mad Men” on there…
  • Find a show everyone and their uncle has been raving about the last few years and see if I can’t get through an entire series of it. Possible candidates? Orange is the New Black. Breaking Bad. Downton Abbey. The one with the zombies… you know… The Walking Dead! Problem is, not a single one of these interests me, so I may be setting myself up for failure. However, I hate Mad Men the first few episodes and I got over that real quick so… we’ll see.
  • NOT sign up for any online dating services. No matter how lonely and desperate I feel.
  • Take a walk at least 3 times a week. Seeing as I live in the middle of nowhere where temperatures regularly plunge below zero, this may be a bit of a challenge at least until May. So… we’ll do our best with that one.
  • Blog at least 3 times a week. No matter how inane, insipid, and uninspired. (Bet ya’ll can’t wait for that one to kick in, huh?)
  • Get health insurance. This one is just… non-negotiable. I don’t want to have to file for bankruptcy if something happens just because health care costs are insanely high. (Wait… somehow that’s counter-intuitive…)
  • Get a full time teaching job. YESSSS. That’s just… a given. First of all, I’m awesome. Second of all, I finally have some additional experience under my belt. And thirdly… It’s my turn, DAMMIT!
  • Sell my wedding ring. Get rid of that horrible reminder and get some cash, woman!
  • Buy a new car with money from said wedding ring. Let’s face it, Max, my Accord, has seen better days. Between the passenger side mirror I just took off for the second time, the mystery dent on the driver’s side door that literally came out of nowhere (Okay, I’m pretty sure my dead father put it there, but was too afraid to admit it. I mean… he was alive when it happened, but now he’s dead. It wasn’t like… a paranormal thing..), and the horrible rust now eating Max’s flesh on the rocker panel… it’s time to trade up.
  • Put those adorable yoga pants to good use and try my hand at some yoga. It can’t be that hard, right?
  • Brush Winston more.
  • Make more meals at home. Sure, frozen dinners are quick, but they’ll rot your insides…
  • Achieve world peace.

Did I miss anything? Okay, so maybe some of that stuff is… BIG. And maybe it’s not going to be super easy. But dammit… 2015 is my year. No more death, divorces, and crappy jobs. No. We’re moving onto bigger and better things. Who’s with me?


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