It is the gloomiest, foggiest, darkest, most oppressive day I have ever seen in my life. It’s like…
GAH! Get me out of here!
Like… literally. Even Winston is following me around mewing questions and comments at me like, “What the hell?! Why is it so dark? Is it day time or night time? Clearly, it is close to midnight and you have not fed me yet, you heartless bastard. I am so confused. I don’t understand. Why don’t you love me? Oh, so what… you just hate me now? Screw you. Feed me! I’m hungry… I think. Wait. What day is it? What time is it? NONE OF THIS MAKES ANY SENSE!”
To top it all off, Christmas still has not made an appearance at the house. No tree. It is 10 days before Christmas, people! I want to shake my mother and scream, “Get your crap together, woman!” Because of her OCD tendencies we had to move furniture around FIRST, and THEN remove the old TV stand, unpack the new TV stand, put the new TV stand together (which took THREE freakin’ days because the instructions were NOT written for the layman and neither one of us could make heads or tales out of it….), put all the items back on the new TV stand, plug in all the electronics, dust the furniture just for the heck of it, and then and ONLY THEN, can we get out the tree. I love her… but I kinda want to punch her in the face. SERIOUSLY?! All THAT just to put up a freakin’ tree? Plus, on top of all that, she moves…
Again, I want to scream and slap her and say, “WOMAN! YOU ARE NOT THAT OLD! PICK UP THE PACE!” I am not exaggerating when I tell you it will probably take her the next two days to put things back on the TV stand. So… we’ll have the tree up by Thursday. Grrrrrrreat.
So, in order to cheer myself up and prevent myself from possibly committing matricide or caticide, I decided to put my Christmas list together. It is as follows… in no particular order. Just so we’re clear…