Accountability

So… I kinda need to talk about it again.

I know, I know, I know… AGAIN?! STILL?! FOR THE LOVE OF PETE, WOMAN! DROP IT AND MOVE ON!

I know. I will. I promise. I just… can’t… right now. Too many thoughts, too many emotions, too many “what-ifs”. I blame it on my period.

But as I try to “deal” with all these thoughts, emotions, and “what ifs” instead of running away from them, something keeps bothering me.

Accountability.

I feel like I’m waiting for someone… anyone… to hold the jerk accountable for what he did. And I have yet to see it happen.

It certainly hasn’t come from his family, who turned their backs on me the second this whole thing happened. Not a single in-law reached out to me to see if I was okay… to offer prayers… to offer support… to offer love. I suppose he had told them any number of lies to take the responsibility off himself, and so they figured it wasn’t their place to “interfere”. Still… you spend 6 years with this new, make-shift family and they turn around and walk away the second things get tough. They probably have more loyalty to the family accountant than to anyone who gets screwed over by their beloved son and brother. Plus, the fact that they’re “okay” with their son and brother screwing people over says volumes about them as a family.

Shared friends certainly have been too afraid to say anything. They don’t want to “take sides”. It’s comments like that that make me want to gouge my eyes out with rusty metal spoons. Take sides? TAKE SIDES?! I suppose, they’ve listened to his crap and his lies about “having problems for some time” and about the girl being “just a good friend”. I’m sure he’s told them it was me who didn’t want to work things out. They see this as a two-sided kind of thing. There aren’t two sides. There’s the truth and there’s his version. There were never any major problems in this marriage (none that would lead to divorce anyway)… the girl was more than just a “good friend”… he refused to work things out because he refused to cut ties with his “good friend”. There’s right and there’s wrong. Screwing your wife of 6 years over to pursue your own selfish needs is just plain wrong. Why won’t someone hold him accountable for his actions?!

Even the so-called “Christian” counselor he was seeing didn’t hold him accountable. According to the ass-hat, all the counselor did was sit and listen and help him sort through his feelings so he could make a decision that would make him “happy”. Either the ass-hat is lying about that, or this counselor had no right counseling anyone in matters of marriage.

No one… not a single person… has held him accountable for his actions. No one has slapped him upside the head and told him, “Dude, that was a really shitty thing to do.” No one has questioned his motivations and his version of events. No one has had it out with him and asked what the hell is the matter with him, who does he think he is?!

And honestly? That’s all I want. I just want him to see and understand the pain and devastation and turmoil he has caused. And okay, I want him to hurt as badly as I do. I don’t necessarily want vengeance, but I do want vindication.

I know I may not get it. Even if someone does hold him accountable and I am vindicated, I may never know about it… and I have to live with that. But right now… any amount of vindication and accountability would really feel nice.

*sigh*

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3 thoughts on “Accountability

  1. thenothatemyhusbandproject says:

    You could of saved yourself a couple of words and not feel bad about discussing his nonsense and how you feel about it.
    Vent away..
    But I have to say having a husband who is still here and wants his life back him feeling sorry, seeing him apologize to those he lied to, watching him squirm and the uncomfortable feelings around my Dad..
    Pretty much all of our church knows.
    His band knows. He confessed to them and apologized to lying to them.
    And do I believe that he has a bunch of remorse in his heart.
    No, I do not
    Does that make me a bitch-ice queen..
    I don’t know.
    But what I do know is it’s cool to feel that way, it is.. What he did super sucked and the family/in-laws don’t give two-fucks I mean to a point they do,,
    But when this shit happens it’s like a Romeo and Juliet scenario..
    Loyalties are laid with blood always will be..
    I think now that we’ve gone through this we would be more sympathetic to our SIL or DIL’s if this ever happened to them. However most bet is to get your kid fucking help and it’s embarrassing like the alcoholic, drug addict, jobless and don’t care relatives.
    My inlaws are still around because we are together
    If we weren’t I wouldn’t expect to hear from them.
    Except to see how the kids are doing even then I bet they wouldn’t call.
    But if I had not gone through adultery I would just focus on my douche bag kid.
    Infidelity is fucking hard when your married to an ass-hat and answers to questions never make sense it seems.
    Think about not having to be married to asshat and the questions and how we are all conditioned to respond to infidelity without being associated with it..

    All the bullshit that is out there about infidelity and people just buy it.

    Men are weak to the flesh
    Something must be wrong with the marriage
    IF they would have done xyz.. this wouldn’t have happened
    they should have protected the marriage.

    and so much more bullshit..
    So I don’t blame the in-laws for not calling. Fuck I still talk to my FIL and sometimes I have to help his ass out with his stupidness about his son.

    Because it’s bullshit don’t blame me, no I was not suspicious, I would never have thought my husband to lie to me, or that pig of an ex-best friend.

    But I think on my end it’s never enough.. until I see someone getting kicked in the teeth and then maybe.. but that’s just stupid I mean what if my husband lost his teeth fuck the bills on that atrocious and I would feel for Bob I mean that’s alot of money to spend on his sick, fucked up in the head wife..

    so there’s my two cents.

    I ❤ you and if you give me his email I'll tell him what an asshole he is, but I'm sure I would be preaching to the choir. People who cheat are lacking character and it's like speaking a different language when those talking to them do have character

    Vent away dear friend and never feel bad about it. You had a shit sandwhich dealt to you from someone you gave your heart too. It's not wrong to want them to understand. I've been arguing with mine for 8 months now and I get it he will never understand. And even if he tells me he does. I don't really believe him anyway.. ❤ ❤ ❤

    Like

  2. dzmy says:

    Hi there

    I have been going to counselling to help me process my husband’s adultery (in truly awful circumstances if you read my blog). One thing I have learnt is that you will never understand and you shouldn’t expect that one day he will wake up and realise or say how sorry he is. Whether it’s shame, guilt or he has convinced himself he is doing right for him, none of it matters because you are unlikely to find out. All you can do is focus on your own wellbeing and how you will carry yourself going forward, whilst allowing yourself to grieve, and in time you will find acceptance.
    I found out about my husband’s affair 7 months ago and it’s still not easy but there is something missing in people who do this, it’s always about them. At the end of the day they have poor values and you are better off.

    Good luck, I hope you feel better with time.

    Liked by 1 person

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