This should not be that difficult.

All I want is some health insurance, you stupid, ignorant pigs.

Seriously. Is that so hard?

Clearly. Because a few years ago I was able to apply lickety split and BOOM. Full coverage for $40 a month. Done.

Now? Now they take my social security number and base my eligibility on it. Just because I was working full time through May and had full coverage DOES NOT MEAN I WORK FULL TIME OR GET FULL COVERAGE NOW!

Not that it matters because I can’t log into your stupid website anyway because I can’t answer the most asinine security questions on the planet. My most memorable date?! My most memorable place?! What the hell kind of security questions are those?! What is this, “The Dating Game”?! Seriously? What on earth did I use for answers to the dumbest questions imaginable?! And now I’m locked out of my account unless I can answer these security questions. FOR THE LOVE OF PETER, PAUL AND MARY. I just want some @)#($*@)#$&(*@&#$ health insurance! Can I blame this on Obama Care?

Furthermore, why oh WHY is it so hard to CALL BACK YOUR CUSTOMERS in this town?! I asked a question on Thursday… and then I have to pester you on Monday just to find out if you have an answer?! REALLY?!

And then… THEN… you don’t even understand the question. I’m asking about getting a new timing belt and water pump. They’re not broken! They don’t need to be replaced. My car isn’t kaput. I didn’t total the engine. I just need new parts because my owner’s manual says it is part of scheduled maintenance. But when you don’t understand this, of course you are going to quote me $1500. OF COURSE. And of course I’m not going to have my phone on me when you call back. NOOOO… so now I get to play phone tag ALL OVER AGAIN. YAY!


Excuse me while I go punch someone in the face.


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