When the ass hat ended things with me, he said he just wanted to be happy. He said he couldn’t be happy being married to me. (Why? Because I’m beautiful, funny, smart, and an all-around amazing human being? I wouldn’t want to be married to me either. Clearly, he is gay.)

Apparently, for him, happiness is something you search for and achieve, not a way of life. It’s like the college students who go on a quest to “find themselves” or the middle-aged man who leaves his family in the middle of dinner to go “live without regrets.”

But is that how happiness works? Is happiness some mysterious zen frame of mind that only the most enlightened of us can achieve? Is happiness something we laboriously search for and seek until one glorious day we all our hard work and striving culminates in a big ol’ basket of happiness found at the end of the rainbow?

Maybe I’m way off base, but I’m pretty sure that’s not how it works. Yeah. Pretty sure.

For me, happiness was always a choice – a decision I made on a daily basis. I could choose to be happy in my life amid my circumstances, or I could choose to be miserable, frustrated and pissed off. Most days I chose happiness. But that’s the thing – it was a conscious decision on my part. It wasn’t just something that happened to me.

Maybe that’s the problem with people searching for happiness. They don’t realize they already have it – they just need to choose it, and make an effort to use it. It’s like the scarecrow, the tin man and the lion in “The Wizard of Oz”. They were on a quest to find something they already had within them – they just didn’t recognize it.

I think that’s something most people don’t realize about life. They may not be in control of what happens to them, but they can control how they handle it. They can choose how they respond, and they can choose how to live… and that’s a pretty powerful tool.


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