You know what else drives teachers to drink?

Finding a discarded pair of rainbow colored My Little Pony undies laying in the middle of the floor of the girls’ bathroom.

I’ll let that sink in.

That look on your face? That was my reaction too.

Whaaaaa????

My brain did not know how to process what I had just stumbled across. What do you do with this information? What do you do with the underwear? How the…  Why???

I stared at them for a good 30 seconds trying to figure out what and who and how and why and when. And then I checked with the nurse who was right next door to see if someone had had an accident. Nope. So, I checked with the secretary. (Good grief. You know how embarrassing it is to go to someone with the adult equivalent of “I found this on the floor. What should I do with it?”) She got that same look on her face.

Whaaaaaa????

She gave me some rubber gloves so I could throw them in the trash. I wasn’t touching those things. And yes, I was still going to wash my hands 17 times afterwards.

It was baffling. And weird. And uncomfortable.

I couldn’t help but wonder if some poor little girl was wandering the halls all commando. I mean, how did… why would… who does…  I finally gave up.

Children are… so very, very strange.

Also, if I hear the following statement one more time, I will probably start bringing a flask to work with me.

“Ms. Evan… I found this on the floor.”

Biggest. Annoyance. Ever.

They never bring you a diamond ring or a cuddly puppy or a magic unicorn. Nope. It’s always, always, always a piece of trash. A used twist-tie. A discarded tissue. A paper clip. A gum wrapper. Half of a chewed-up eraser. A used piece of tape. And my all-time favorite… A STAPLE.

The statement is almost always, always, always followed with this question: “What should I do with it?”

Really?

REALLY?

REALLY?!?!

I understand that they are children, but good grief. A 3 year-old can understand that trash goes in the trash.

I always answer their question with another question. “What do you think you should do with it?”. But really I want to say something horribly snide like, “I don’t know. Stick it in your ear? Wrap it up and give it to Mom for Christmas? Sell it on eBay? Give it to charity?”

(Ha! Next time, I am TOTALLY using one of those responses on my students. Just to see the look I get. And then maybe they’ll understand that there IS such a thing as a dumb question.)

I mean, God bless ’em, but… OH MY GAWD. Kids are so weird.

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