Yesterday, I randomly burst into tears because my marriage was over.
Um… had I not gotten the memo until just now? Why this sudden onset of overwhelming loss? Why all the tears and snot? Why now after having an amazingly great day? And what was the creepy feeling in my stomach? Ugh… was I actually… missing him?
Ew. Not okay. Gross. What? Where did that come from? And could I please get off this bipolar roller coaster now? It’s not fun anymore. I don’t even think I can blame these stupid outbursts on my period. I just want to stop having feelings. Can one develop psychopathy if they work really hard at it? Or would it be better to just take up drinking? Because it’s either that or become the crazy cat lady who wears cat themed sweatshirts and turtlenecks and smells suspiciously like litter powder. I’ll wear orthopedic shoes too… so I can more easily chase my cat… and maybe just start putting rollers in my hair for days at a time, not realizing I haven’t done anything with myself for the past 5 days. Surely, that would be better than having feelings, right? I can just give up and eat my feelings and watch OWN with my cat.
Maybe I need to go on a date. But here, the odds are good and the goods are odd so… unless I want to hang out at the bar with shifty looking rednecks complete with scruffy mustache and mullet, maybe that’s not such a good idea either.
I just wanna move on and it’s taking too long!
Move on, faster! This is ridiculous! I have no patience for this anymore! UGH! (You can’t see me, but I’m totally stomping my feet, whining loudly and pouting slightly. I’m pretty much having a grown-up tantrum. It’s pretty great. You should try it sometime.)