This. Is. Hard.
I mean, really stinkin‘ hard.
There are days when I don’t want to do anything other than crawl under the covers and yell at anyone who dares disturb me, “I don’t wanna and you can’t make me!”
Mainly because I don’t, and they can’t.
Then, oddly enough, I find myself resenting people for their pep talks and words of advice, because I want to scream, “Have YOU ever gone through something like this before?! NO?! THEN STOP TALKING. You have NO idea what this is like. And you probably won’t have the pleasure of knowing either, so SHUT UP.”
I realize people are just trying to be kind and helpful which I really appreciate but… if I seem bipolar and off-kilter and out of sorts… just leave me be. This is really hard.
I also realize, I may need to get off of Facebook for a while. Because if I have to see one more cutesy, cuddly picture posted for Throw Back Thursday, I’m going to hurl my computer across the room. Nobody cares that you’re in love with your spouse. Least of all me. So shut up. SHUT UP.
Plus, my own anniversary is coming up in one week. It would have been 6 years. I really don’t want to wade through any “Happy Anniversary” wall posts and explain why it’s not.
But on the flip side, wallowing in self-pity has never been that much fun. Still isn’t. And I hate the thought that HE might get any satisfaction out of knowing he’s gotten the best of me. Which he hasn’t. Not in the least. Why should I let some horrible, miserable human being dictate my level of happiness? Nope. Not gonna happen. And sometimes, it’s that alone that keeps me going.